


shriveled

by xnyanx



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lime, Psychology, Reader Insert, eventual ooc, implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-25 09:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7526797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xnyanx/pseuds/xnyanx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark…<br/>If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,<br/>Then I'll follow you into the dark—”</p>
<p>-i'll follow you into the dark, death cab for cutie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is going to be implied rape that might be disturbing to you.

Your body stood frozen underneath the flickering street light. Like a ravaging storm, the night had snatched away your littlest drop of life left in you.  
  
_thump…_  
_thump…._  
_thump…._  
  
Your heart beat slowly, making the loudest of noise in the quietly falling snow. Despite the thick wool of your jacket and air trapping pants, warmth was the last thing in your body, mind and heart. Cold tears rolled down in a never ending stream as your heart felt hollow and mind, empty. Your body’s senses ceased to work; yourself spiraling down in the quicksand of hopelessness and void. For long moments then you felt yourself unable to feel any emotion despite your tears that screamed out all of your sadness and agony.  
  
_drop…_  
_drop…_  
_drop…_  
  
The blood from your injured forehead froze with its touch to the ground instantly. Another drop, then another, then another...  
Your cheek was stained with the salty mixture of your tears and blood forming an iced patch of a thinned red liquid.  
Somewhere deep inside a scream wanted to burst out of you but your body denied you such a pleasure. You were devoured by complete numbness only able to recall the previous hour’s events.  
  
A bloodied knife in hand.   
  
Your mind reeled in reverse as the memories hammered you again and again...  
  
Your father threw the dirty bed-sheet at you to cover yourself with it. It reeked of the old man’s sweat and what you could only imagine as his disgusting fluids that were now coursing through your trembling and aching body. He showed no mercy to your fragile form and had broken you a million times over.  
  
Most nights when he was home, you’d sleep on park benches and when occasionally, night guards caught dozing off alone they would drop you home to the man who would then punish you by breaking you; body, mind and soul.  
Other times he would hit you with his alcohol bottles, glass shards piercing into your skin. He would slap you until your swollen flesh was hard enough to satisfy him and at times he would kick your stomach and the ache would last for days.  
  
He wouldn’t understand how you felt. Of course he wouldn't. He wasn't your real father. He was a filthy man who ravished your mother in bed after your dad died. Committed suicide to be precise.  
  
Now his interests had averted to you. You had really inherited your father's genes who had loved you when alive. You had a beautiful body. Too beautiful for even your mother to envy you and chastise you for it. Your body was proportioned in neat curves that caused men and women alike to stare. And you... hated it. Attention as the likes of the filthy man you now were forced to called ‘daddy’ was what your body earned you. Your mother couldn't stand it—couldn't stand that her daughter; someone _she_ had given birth to had beat her to her lover’s attention.  
Giving into devastation she had left your now dad, leaving you with him, for him to torment your being.  
   
  
That snowy night, your body had stopped feeling pain. You were sure the ‘you’ no longer existed and all that remained was an empty broken shell. So broken, irreparable and unbreakable any further.  That’s why you thought nothing stopped you anymore. After attending to the man’s growing desires, you came back dressed to leave, knife in hand and slit his throat in half. His resistance resulting in the minor injury to your forehead. It really was nothing.  
  
The blood that splashed from his throat resembled a lively fountain of water, lit with red festive lights. Only, it was blood of a dying man; there was death hovering over you and only grief followed you.  
  
Events, words, people, flooded through your memories as you walked along the narrow footpath when the cold reached a point beyond your resistance. Your legs moved on their own accord for something in you wasn’t ready to let you die yet. Not in a snowy night due to frostbite of all things.  
   
   
Once, you’ve had grades that earned you respect at school and loving gifts from your father. Now you had descended to your school’s dumpster of a class; class 3-E; the end class. Not that it was a source of your worry anyway. To be honest, after you were transferred to the E-class, was when you felt a stress relieved. With your slumping grades, and a worrying change in behaviour your once so-called friends had started turning their backs on you. Hell, they would ridicule you on every off chance and being victim to teachers’ ‘oh-how-you-must-disappoint-your-parents’ had become a part of your routine. Seeing where things headed, a transfer was inevitable. It didn’t help with your mother’s attitude towards you, nor your father’s growing desire for you.  
  
At the E-class you weren’t the most popular either, but definitely one with high potential.  And the lack of emotions you had started to develop made you a rather formidable candidate for assassination.  
  
Well, not that any of it mattered now anyway. Every last drop of life had been drained out of you and nothing seemed to matter anymore.  
  
The familiar house with its large iron gate was where your feet halted; you standing right on front of a sleeping guard. Oh how you hated the sight of guards, those meddlesome people wearing costumes of protection. Protection indeed.  
  
Why you had stopped at the house of someone who would be the last person to take you in, you didn't know. But this fancy excuse of a house was the closest to your torture chamber, and your feet refused to drag you further, any longer.  
  
“I’m an acquaintance of Karma-san’s.” You told the irritated guard who was forced awake by your pounding at the gate. Your voice was broken, your tone a ragged caricature of distorted sounds. You sounded awful, looked awful and probably smelt awful too. You hated yourself at that moment. You had become the very image of what you disgusted.  
  
“What’s your name?” He asked annoyed due to the fact that a homeless looking teenager had broken his precious sleep.  
  
“(Y/n)” You replied in a flat monotone.  
  
The man walked inside his little room; your wait growing colder by the passing second. The jingling keys in his hand would have otherwise surprised you if not for your borderline weary.  
   
  
The boy in his disheveled sleep hair, and pyjamas opened the door; his gold tinged amber eyes half lidded in drowsiness.  “What are you doing here at this hour?” Karma yawned.   
  
“Let me stay the night.” You mumbled without explanation or thought about how your request sounded.  
  
“HUH?” His sleep seemed to have blown away as he practically shouted at you in surprise.  “Do what?”  
  
Your gaze was down, fixated at the concrete floor. You didn’t reply aware of the redhead’s teasing tendencies. He understood. Or at least heard you.  
  
Seeing you were even quieter than you usually were, he didn’t press you further and what he did, again, would’ve surprised you if you weren’t down in the pits of exhaustion.  
  
“Yeah whatever.  You’ll have to pay me—this isn't for free.” Karma moved aside from the door to make enough space for you to squeeze in through.  
  
In a spare room—definitely a guest bedroom—in an out-of-character kind manner, Karma housed you. A king sized double bed neatly made, sat in the exact middle of the rectangular room with a well decorated arch for a headboard.  
  
Without a ‘thank you’ or any act of gratefulness, you dragged your cold, sore feet to the bed collapsing right there, sleep slowly making your eyes heavy. Not worrying about what you’d done and what consequence you’d have to face tomorrow, you slept with one less worry—you wouldn’t have to be anxious about the heart tightening footsteps of your supposed father.  
  
You were slightly wrong with that assumption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, err, yeah, hi, hee (￣～￣;)
> 
> This is the first time I've written in a second person point-of-view. I must say this is an interesting way to write, and I might as well just write every fanfic from now on in second person.   
> That aside, don't kill me please. I promise there'll be more Karma x Reader soon. I also welcome any constructive criticism~~
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter~
> 
> Enjoy.

Prying eyes stared at the two figures entering the classroom. In his carefree manner, Karma followed behind you; hands behind his head, carrying his bag that contained only air. More than both of you coming to school together, your uniform made your classmates inquisitive. Or rather, the lack of it.

You weren’t wearing the usual school uniform. Hung to your body was last night’s wool jacket and faded skinny jeans, worn at the bottom edges. Your forehead was bandaged and the sight of it didn’t help the now rising questions within your classmates.

Another step, with Karma ambling behind you and the entire class population erupted in an ear-crackling scream.

“EHH?!??”

_That_ awoke you from your reverie. As a response you stared blankly at everyone while Karma groaned a ‘tch’ knowing the assumption behind everyone’s scream. _Like hell that’s what happened…_

“Karma-kun!” Kayano jolted up from her seat and screamed in the highest pitch she could muster. “W-w-why are you with (y/n)-san?!”

Annoyed at everyone’s reaction, Karma forced himself to explain. “She loaded herself at my house last night. Ask her.” And _that_ was his ever so informative explanation.

“Last night.” Okajima repeated. “Heh-heh, what’d you do Karma-kun?”

“Nothing.” He replied in a bored tone; the conversation not interesting him at all. Karma plopped his bag down and lounged on his seat while you stood at the front, with the spotlight of everyone’s curiosity shone on you. You surprisingly felt the need to explain yourself, of course excluding the parts about _why_ you were with Karma.

“It’s nothing like you’re thinking.” You mumbled in a barely audible voice. “I had a situation and I had to stay somewhere.” That was yet the vaguest ‘explanation’ you’d offered anyone. “It’s not going to happen again.”

That’s where you were wrong. Making your point, you walked to your seat quietly. You’d thought after last night you had one less thing to worry about but here you were, in your classroom thinking about how to survive from that moment onwards. And there was also this little pang of fear eating away at you—what was going to happen after the body was found?

Your unapproachable demeanor hadn’t faltered one bit. Soon everyone’s curiosity was turned down by your silence and no one made further efforts to talk to you.

You weren’t a very different person at school than home, but you definitely weren’t yourself either.  Your grades faced slight improvements amidst everything since being transferred to the E-class. However, that was temporary. As soon as situation returned to their worse back at home, you had once again lost your grip. The only thing that you could say permanently improved was your physical strength alone. All the trainings you were going through to kill your caring and loving teacher had taken their toll. You proved it in the most recent event.

During practices, you were almost always, unbeatable with rare exceptions and your timing of your wins were records still to be broken. To say the least, you were strong and stood amongst the strongest in the class. That aside, no one knew much about you. You hadn’t made a friend, and constantly caused Koro-sensei worry with your extremely holed-up self. Kayano and Isogai had tried to make small talks and get to know you but you didn’t seem interested. Or at least pretended so—

The class bell rang and Koro-sensei walked in jovially with the name register in hand for roll calling. You replied with a jaded ‘present’ when your turn came and tried to focus on what was being taught on board. Despite your efforts of concentrating in class, your mind drifted off to last night’s events and a single vivid image was cinematically projected right in front of you.

Your father’s throat splashing blood; the bloodied kitchen knife in your hand. Again and again your memory recuperated.

As ludicrous as it sounded, you felt a presence draw near to you; something that wouldn’t make you very happy. And your intuition was spot on.

During the last period before lunch, a police car came at a halt in front of your campus. Government officials visited the E-class often and having two police officers come by wasn’t something too worrisome. But you knew otherwise.

 

One of them holding up his ID spoke, “Inspector Saito Hosokawa” ~~(Yes, I absolutely pitched a totally random name from a generator xD)~~

“Inspector Taku Yugoro.”

“We apologise for interrupting, but we have urgent matters to see too.” The first officer started. “We need to interrogate (f/n) (l/n)-san regarding an incident and request your cooperation.”

Some of your classmates changed confused glances, and some eyes hovered over to you willing to hear your response.

“May I know how my student is linked to something that earns her legal attention?” Koro-sensei’s former cheerful stance had turned stern. His whole face had lit up red.

“Please—” One of the officers gestured to take their conversation outside of the classroom and Koro-sensei followed.

A mixture of emotions boiled in you at that moment making you feel somewhat guilty. Not because of what you’d done, but because you were dragging your classmates and teachers into your problem, with which, they had nothing to do.

Without thinking you shot up from your desk. “I’m guilty. I did it.” A single word didn’t stammer off your mouth as you declared your action. You almost felt you were more than ready to turn yourself in without any hesitation. The adults were stopped in their tracks and Koro-sensei looked at you with an intense emotion—anger, maybe?

“You don’t have to investi—”

“(y/n)-san!” Koro-sensei cut you off. “Please sit down and wait until I’ve finished discussing this matter.”

“But—” You failed to argue. Realising you didn’t have a reason to debate with him you looked down and sat.

Once the room was left only to the students, you were surrounded by the group.

“What happened?” It was Nagisa’s voice. 

“Are you okay (y/n)-san? What are the police doing here?” Maehara asked.

More people shadowed over you with genuine worry and you didn’t feel it to be right. You hated how you had involved so many people in your problem.

“(y/n)-san.” Kayano’s hand rested on your shoulder. With the single touch, you slapped her hand away.

“I-I’m sorry.” You apologised immediately.

More worried eyes gazed at you, and you could feel yourself at the brink of being stomped by the overwhelming emotions shown to you. 

“What the hell did you do?” An arrogant voice chimed in through the crowd. Karma was rocking in his seat carelessly. His mind had nothing short of mischief in it.

“You can talk to us.” Nakamura tried.

“You owe me remember?” Karma mocked you. “Might as well pay me back now. What the hell did you do?”

“Karma-kun!” Nagisa retorted for being too harsh. He ignored.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna talk?” Isogai was ready to give up and convince the others to give you your space when,

“Just spit it out already! I’ll make you pay back worse.” Karma warned; his tone annoyed and meaning what he said.

Unable to further resist everyone pressing you, you gave in. You blurted out strongly without remorse; a blank, dull layer clouding your pupils. You almost felt _good_ about your action.

 “I killed my father.”

_Silence._

For several seconds afterwards, silence enveloped the classroom and no one uttered a syllable. Even the redheaded devil himself quieted, recovering from an unexpected answer. Tension grew thick enough to make your breathing feel difficult when Kanzaki spoke, lightening the mood.

“It must have been hard.” She smiled warmly at you. “Don’t worry. Koro-sensei will never let the police take you. After all we must graduate _together_.” 

You felt bizarre, and couldn’t find a proper response. A strange lump pushed up your throat, which you tried to suppress realising if you didn’t, you would be breaking one of your barriers.

Karma didn’t make a single move in your aid. He was sat hooked to his seat with a clenched jaw. If anything, he was annoyed after hearing you. The attention that you got bothered him. Moments later, unable to further watch the scene, he stood up and left. It’s not like you hadn’t noticed. You had. But it was better for the both of you if you ignored. He had sheltered you after you’d killed someone. Knowing that, annoyance was the least that Karma owed you.

It had become quite difficult to process what your classmates were saying, thus your mind had shut off focusing only on containing yourself. Each word that left from the people surrounding you then, was a blurry mumble, incoherent and scrambled in pieces.

 

“(y/n)-san.” If not for Koro-sensei, you wouldn’t have snapped out. “Please come here.” He said, standing at the door. Following him, you were lead outside of the classroom and the door shut behind you.

You immediately felt two a sharp tentacles land on your cheek; your skin heating up and throbbing at the contact. Your heart lurched in the pain that you’d been trying to swallow only minutes ago. Your palm tightly clasped your cheek to reduce the ache. It pained a lot more than it should have. _Way more_. Physical pain was nothing to you, but this,

It hurt. It hurt a lot for this assault held deep-rooted care for you.

Your legs failed to bear the burden and you fell to the ground, collapsing there. Only your eyes worked as you broke down in howling tears, screaming to let go as much as you could of your suppressed agony. Inside, few of your classmates found it difficult to hear you cry so loudly and had to look away from the door. You didn’t care at that moment.

You cried even louder, until your chest had stopped feeling like it could burst open any time. The surrounding around you didn’t matter. Koro-sensei watching you anxiously didn’t matter. Mostly, Karma standing behind a wall didn’t matter.

As long as your feet hadn’t regained their strength, your wails and tears didn’t stop.

 

***

“Okay, class dismissed.” Koro-sensei announced and eyed you cheerfully. He had rearranged your seat placing you right in the middle of everyone so you could always be seen. After the fit that you’d thrown and cried like a baby, you were way _too_ embarrassed to set foot in class. But your classmates were too kind to make you feel otherwise.

“Can I call you (y/n)-chan?” Kanzaki had asked and you were nothing short of surprised. You sheepishly nodded not knowing what else to do and thus the new way for everyone to address you.

You were now (y/)-chan, expected to return the friendliness. It would be difficult to address everyone differently so suddenly, but you’d get used to it soon.

When Koro-sensei knelt down beside you after your crying had minimised, he spoke of something that made all of your efforts of hiding behind your walls absolutely futile.

“I’d always expected you to open up about yourself (y/n)-san.” He had said. “It hurts me to know you thought I or any of your _friends_ didn’t know anything about you. They may not have been aware of the details, but it was blatantly obvious you were going through something you didn’t want to talk about _yet._ They care about you although you might be convinced otherwise. I’ve known about your family issues for a while now—”

That one information burned down all the pretence you had put in, to no result. You teacher had always known about what you wanted to hide the most. You felt foolish beyond comprehension.

“I know you wanted to take on your problems alone, but sometimes allowing people to see you doesn’t always mean you’re giving yourself away. Sometimes you need someone just to hear you out. You have so many great friends who are willing to help you. If you’d only asked for their help, _our_ help, we were more than glad to provide you with it. But look at what you’ve done, trying to fight everything alone.

Promise me something (y/n)-san.” You didn’t have the courage to look up at him. “You will learn from your mistakes.”

Your gaze down in shame, you nodded and muttered a “hm.”   

“Now then.” Your teacher’s happy smile returned as the angry red faded away. “Karasuma-sensei will talk with the police about this issue. We can’t entirely blame you for what you’ve done so he’ll make sure they let you off the hook. But you have some major explanation to give your friends inside.” 

You simply nodded.

 

“Oi Karma!” Nakamura rushed at the redhead as he tried to sneak away from your little inauguration with your _friends._ She pulled him by the arm and stood him in front of the others. You and everyone else could tell he was restless to get out of there as fast as he could.

“Walk (y/n)-chan home.” She dropped the bomb.

“EH?!’ He yelled. “Why me!?”

“Because your house is the nearest to her.” Nakamura said. It wasn’t necessary for her to reason. Once she had something in mind, she’d have turned into reality. And if she wanted Karma to walk you home, she would definitely have him walk you home. Kayano nodded frivolously.

“Yeah Karma-kun. You should walk her home.” Ritsu’s sweet and innocent smile then irritated Karma.

“See, even Ritsu agrees.” Kayano said.

“Get off my back!” He shouted again. “Why can’t one of you do it? Besides, I’ve already done my share by letting her stay at my place.”

“That’s exactly why you should walk her home. Don’t you see? (y/n)-chan trusts you.” Karma’s right eye twitched. It was entertaining to everyone, but you. Especially Nakamura. Teasing her fellow teasing-mate was fabulous.

“Actually.” You said, your voice not freely speaking yet. “I went to his house because he lived the nearest to me.” You tried to clear any misunderstanding. But you made the situation worse, of course.

“Yeah, whatever, exactly—”

“Now, now Karma-kun,” He couldn’t believe himself when Isogai joined the conversation. “Be a gentleman and walk (y/n)-chan home.” Then again, what else could he expect of Isogai? “I would do it myself, but I have an extra hour of shift at work today.” He smiled.

“Fine. I will.” He gave up. “Let’s go.” Karma said to you.

 

 

Your walk was quiet with only Karma whistling. He hadn’t asked you anything and you were grateful for it. But, you had promised Koro-sensei you would learn from your mistakes, and talking to your friends counted as a part of that promise.

“Um, Karma-san, I mean _kun,_ Karma-kun—”

“What?” He looked at you.

“Thank you. For last night.”

“You already paid me back.” He said flatly.

“So, you live alone?” You didn’t really care if he did, but you were trying to make small talks.

“Most of the year. My parents come visit me during holidays. They have business overseas.”

“Must be nice.” You said meaning it. Karma understood what you were implying to but refrained from letting the conversation go that way.

“So what do you plan to do from now on?” He asked.

“I’ll probably get a part-time job and continue to attend school like nothing happened.” That was a dangerous statement.

“Is that so?” He muttered. Denying he didn’t feel slightly intrigued _and_ threatened, Karma would be lying to himself. Second to Nagisa you were the only person that made him sense even the slightest of danger. “Can you do it?”

“I guess so. I think for the first time in forever, I’m not dreading going back home.”

Karma simply stared at you for a second, looking away when you returned his gaze.

“We’re here. Than-nk—” Your eyes widened at the police car in front of your house. They hadn’t left yet. You stood there without moving, not wanting to face the police anymore. Your own thoughts were perplexing to you. Only hours ago you were up and ready to turn yourself in but now you wanted to be out of their sights.

“Do you mind if I wait at your place for a few more hours?” Asking that took way too much courage. You were ready to be turned down and wander around in the streets for the next few hours until your house was free of the police.

“I’ll have you pay me back fair and square, (y/n)- _chan._ ” He shot daggers at you, speaking your name in exasperation.

Well, one couldn’t blame the devil. He himself didn’t understand why suddenly he felt drawn by your presence.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. iii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've noticed, I've added 'psychology' as a tag. (Yes, there'll be (medical) psychological elements and no I don't just mean panic attacks)  
> I thought this story wasn't strong enough to be labeled as 'psychological' so psychology it is.  
> Without giving away more,  
> Enjoy x

It had to be over forty minutes since the boy had gone upstairs saying he would take a shower and come down. Your patience was commendable. You wandered around the living room breathing in the fragrance of scented candles that must have been lit last night. The smell still hadn’t yet worn. Karma sure led a lavish life. Each furniture, so neatly carved and designed; intricate patterns decorated the subtle coloured walls. The high glassed shelf built towards the wall caged souvenirs and expensive show-pieces. You would be lying if you said you didn’t once wish for a place as such. At least close if not so good.

Fiddling with your phone until it ran out of charge didn’t bring down the redhead. He was either secretly a girl who simply loved to shower or he was avoiding you. Well, even if it was the latter, you couldn’t blame him this time.  You sighed when the wall clock struck a second more than an hour.

Karma hadn’t offered you breakfast, and you already felt too indebted to ask for another favour. And lunch wasn’t obviously packed with you. Simply saying, yesterday afternoon was the last time you ate and to say you stomach grumbled, the ache growing really fast, would be an understatement.

You sighed as you leaned back against the comfy sofa—something you’d been wanting to do, but hesitated to. Even your back had started to ache from sitting as straight as a bamboo. Your eyes closed growing slightly tired from the waiting, and without realising you dozed off.

 

Once, twice, thrice, you felt a tap. “Oi! Wake up.” Another tap…With quivering lids you opened your eyes to find a Karma with a towel over his hear, his hair dripping wet and water glued to his bare torso in drops.

“Karma-kun!” You jerked awake straightening yourself. Heat was still radiating from his body from the hot shower.

“Who told you could sleep here?” He teased.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“You can come up now if you want.” As he moved aside, walking towards the stairs, the clock came into your view. Exactly five minutes left until two hours. _Learn all about how to have a great shower from none other than Karma Akabane…_

You followed him. His room didn’t need your extra observations for you had prepared yourself for a grand hotel room, and you weren’t disappointed.

 

“Where’s your mother?” He asked with innocent curiosity, unaware of the truth.

Your face darkened at the question. You didn’t want to talk about that wretched woman. Not with him, not with anyone, not ever again. But you’d promised Koro-sensei…

“I don’t know.” You sternly said. It wasn’t half a lie. Since she had left three months ago, you hadn’t heard about her whereabouts. The further away she was from you, the better for you. Karma picked the hint and didn’t ask anything else regarding the matter.

“You wanna do something while you’re here?”

“Uhm.” You shook your head. “You go ahead and do what you have to. Ignore that I’m here.”

“I was planning to.” Karma plopped onto his bed on his stomach. “Ugh, I really feel like stirring something up. Classes have been so boring as of late.” He complained and you quietly listened. “Say, (y/n)-chan.” He turned around and sat up, crawling towards the study table next to his bed and grabbed a pencil. You were all ears. “Who is the weakest in our class?”

You bit your lips knowing he was implying to you. “That would b-be me.” You stammered.

“Wrong answer.” Within a second’s swift motion he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into him. He was too fast for your mind to process the action. By the time you caught up to him he was already on top of you, pinning you down to the bed. He had both your arms above you; your wrists strongly under one of his palm’s grasp. You struggled to free yourself in vain and soon gave up as your eyes locked. His gold tinged ones gleamed, as a devious smirk played on his lips. Your heart drummed in your throat, your head feeling like being hammered. One of his legs was positioned between your thighs making it much, much difficult to move. You wanted to shout at him to let you go but your mouth had frozen. Your eyes felt dried for being wide open for too long.

“Are you afraid?” He whispered wickedly into your ears, his cheeks centimetres away from yours. You weren’t _afraid_. You felt threatened with the touch of someone else’s. Anyone’s. It didn’t matter whose. Your own breath had started beating like a drum in your chest as you held yourself from exhaling as much as you could. You wouldn’t break into a panic attack in front of him. You were better than letting people see you. Better than showing yourself. _But you promised…_

It didn’t matter then. You couldn’t let Karma see you in a state of fright. You held your breath longer, eyes still in their wide state almost welcoming Karma to try whatever harm he wanted to inflict. His brows furrowed as you stopped struggling. “Stubborn aren’t we?” His smirk remained.

He placed the pencil he was holing in his other hand on top of your forehead, exactly between your brows. It was sharp and if he had put any more pressure, it could pierce your skin. You were indeed stubborn and stayed steady and unmoving. Karma dragged it down slowly in a straight line, making a thin grey line from your forehead to your neck. On your cloth it left a mark too, stopping right below your chest, exactly between your breasts. The moment his hand reached there, you were struggling with yourself, unable to contain yourself any further. He looked at you waiting for a reaction but you gave him none although inside you were bursting in screams. _A few more seconds, just a few more, just a few…_ The chant in your head was broken as you felt a sharp object being pierced though you and instantly pulled out. Karma had stabbed you with the pencil. You could no longer bear the pressure, but your lips stayed strongly glued refusing to move. A gurgling noise escaped you more in your broken panic, than in the sting you felt. It really was just a sting.

“Tch.” Karma groaned and got off you, throwing the pencil to the ground. “You’re boring.” That was the most obvious lie he had told himself and he was fully aware of it.

The second he left the room, your chained screams broke free, soon burning your vocal chord. You exhaled faster and faster trying to gasp in all the air you’d lost but your lungs felt weak and unable to breathe any further. The room around started to blur as your head spun. It was your previous panic attack only more drastic. You tightly clutched the bed sheet trying to calm down. You heaved pacing with the ticking seconds. It took you a while to calm yourself.

Without another word, you quietly left the room and soon Karma’s house. You were grateful that he didn’t cross paths with you. Whether he was ignoring you or not wasn’t anything you concerned yourself with then. Him stabbing you wasn’t what made you so angry as you walked to your house. It was how disgusting his plan of ‘stirring things up’ was. It was a pitiful trick and you wouldn’t indebt yourself to Karma ever again, so you wouldn’t have to satisfy his idea of a fair payment. A shiver ran down your spine every so often as the image from the night before popped in your head and then the images of Karma pinning you. Neither of them were pretty, and you wanted to just get both of them out of your memory.

Reaching home you soaked yourself in the bath’s hot water trying to relieve yourself. The police were gone and you had the house all to yourself, with no fear of an older man standing and watching you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyo!  
> Before any of you flip saying "THAT'S ABUSE" it technically is, yes. (But, not really?)  
> But considering what the reader has faced it's nothing to her. (She already mentions it.)  
> PLUS, it's a pencil stab, nothing too injurious, just a prick, and no bleeding either(maybe just a little). (Imagine an injection?)  
> And I can imagine Karma doing something like that if he were infatuated with someone (o▽O)


	4. iv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading hope ya have a good day x

Koro-sensei’s lecture blurred in a pile of incoherent noises around your ears as you stared at the remnants of last night’s slush outside the window. Melting snow in the subtle sun rays lay scattered around the ground and it occupied your attention. Or rather, vision.

You mind was focused in the memories of last night’s panic—your second attack of the day. Coming back home, you’d taken a bath to calm your nerves; nothing wrong with that. In fact you hadn’t had such a peaceful time in the water in a long while. The police were kind enough to keep their now abandoned investigation confined to the man's room leaving the rest of the house untouched.

Lazily, you'd eaten whatever edible food was left in the fridge, and waded to the living room to watch TV as a cure for your boredom. That’s when it rang, the doorbell. As you had just turned the TV on, your father’s— _the man’s_ favourite show was running. The timing couldn’t be more auspicious.

Images instantly appeared in your head. Images of the man returning home, images of him sluggishly watching the very channel on off-days, and images of him forcefully seating you beside him on the couch, while his hand ran along the cloth on your thighs. As much as his actions repulsed you, you couldn’t do anything. You’d tried to run away in vain, having to come back here in the end. So instead, you stared at the floor, blank-eyed, a puppet to quench your master’s desires.

“…like nothing happened…” Those were your exact words. _Like nothing happened._ Such a big liar you were, lying to everyone around you and yourself. A lot had happened. Way too much for your shell to contain anymore. You were bursting despite removing the main source of your anguish, you were still hurting from what had been done. Those actions couldn’t be undone no matter what you did, or how much you hid yourself and locked your own self away from you. At that moment, you felt alone. You wanted someone to see through you although all your efforts till that very moment was to not let anyone do that. The promise you’d made to Koro-sensei not a day ago, had become so vague being lost in your torturous memories. You still tried to cling to it.

Against the couch, your body leaned; your mind lost in space with a dead shade of (e/c) for irises. This time you controlled your nerves fast leading your panic to last a mere few seconds. You would have been lost for longer if the noise of the doorbell didn’t start reverberating in your ears, breaking you away from your reverie.

Reluctantly, you opened the door slightly, enough to see the person behind. It was a neighbour.  


“Good evening.” You greeted in a mutter, gesturing her to enter. She nodded in response and placed her shoes beside the entrance.  

You brought her green tea at the living room; an etiquette you couldn’t despise more.

“The police are gone, I presume?” She asked.

Placing the tray, you replied. “Yes, ma’am.” You weren’t the biggest fan of keeping in touch with neighbours since they always showed up when the clouds were gone. Other times they were just spectators filled with pity and sympathy for you as you walked in front of them. That was all.

“Oh poor dear!” She rubbed your shoulder. An act that meant nothing to you. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like to lose the only guardian you had left—” She said. _Such an ignorant woman,_ you thought. She didn’t even know what had happened and could only guess her reason for being there was the interrogation—the one police denied her—to pacify her curiosity. You weren’t in the least, wrong. 

“What exactly happened to your father?” She continued. “Where were you last night?” Even if she was somehow right in thinking you were grieving for the man, wouldn’t it be too hypocritical to question you so bluntly so early? Well, not like you could change society and their minds.  

“At a friend’s house.” You sounded uninterested.

“You had luck by your side. Who knows what the murderer could have done to you. Your new father was such a good man. I can’t imagine him to die in such a manner. Who could have possibly done something so cruel? I pray his soul finds peace.” Her ignorance was indeed marvellous. You resisted your urge to roll your eyes.

The woman didn’t take your silence as a hint, instead continued with her babbling. “When is the funeral going to be held?” She asked. Your jaw twitched involuntarily as you clenched your fists. A funeral—that’s right. A dead person required one, didn’t they?

“I don’t know.” You said, irritation making your nerves wrack. “I don’t know any of his family members. The police will handle that. You should ask them.” You didn’t care how rude you sounded. Just having this woman out of your sight was then your priority. 

“But you’re now his family. Shouldn’t you—”

“Nataga-san!” You snapped. “If you’d be kind enough, then please don’t refer to me as his family ever again. Also, if you want to inquire me about my _father’s_ death, please don’t bother.” You hissed. The word father came out much more loathed than your entire sentence and you pronounced it with menace. “If you have anything else you’d like to talk to me about, please feel free. Otherwise, I’d request you leave.” You had earned yourself a glare from the woman as you finished, but you didn’t care. Uttering no further words in her shock, she slammed the teacup on the tray with more than half of the beverage still releasing vapour. She left without a proper goodbye. _Of course._

Ignorance…

 

“(y/n)-san! (y/n)-san! (Y/N)-SAN!!” The chalk came flying at you, hitting you right in the forehead as giggles erupted in the class. Koro-sensei’s skin twitched several times before he spoke. “Please pay attention in class, (y/n)-san! This math problem is important and you will not be able to solve it later.” You gawked at your teacher for a split second immediately lowering your gaze in embarrassment. “Y-yes sir!” You stammered, that earned you a few more chuckles from your classmates.

You sighed, focusing your attention back in class. And damn, was that math problem difficult. By the time of PE, your brain was already fried and sent off to the other dimension of green pastures and blue skies. In short, your brain died.

 

Tucking in your gym t-shirt in your trouser, you replied to Kayano’s previous “Ready, (y/n)-chan?” Kayano and Kanzaki were waiting for the slowest snail in the changing room. That would obviously be you. Since it was the last days of winter, your full-sleeved t-shirt and ankle long trousers weren’t too out of place. But, due to your scars, the summer heat showed you absolutely no mercy when you still wore the skin covering clothes. _Enjoy the winter PEs as much as you can._

At the field, everyone had already gathered around Karasuma-sensei in a circle leaving rooms for the three of you. And just your luck, Karma had to be beside you, you being sandwiched between him and Terasaka. You tried to ignore the redhead’s presence.

“Today’s training will be different.” The teacher announced having everyone around him. “You’ll fight alone and against everyone. Each of you will be given a tag. The one to collect the most and be the last one standing, wins. This will be the exact opposite of team working. You’ll have to be vigilant. You’ll have four objectives. One: Guard your tags with your life. Two: Not let anyone kill you, meaning guard your life. Three: Collect as many tags as possible and Four: Make it until the end while keeping your life, tag, and the tags you’ve collected, secure. Your weapon will be Anti-Koro-Sensei bullets. One slight hit to your skin, or anything you’re wearing and you’re eliminated.”

“Nuhuhuhu.” Koro-sensei could be heard giggling in the background as the entire class erupted in sighs and chatters.

“But sensei—” Kimura interjected. “That’s too much to remember and act at the same time. Plus what if the one who has collected the most tags is eliminated. What happens then?”

Karasuma-sensei coughed grabbing the attention of the crowd that was still murmuring. “One more thing to add,” He paused looking straight. “When you kill someone, you can have all of their tags.”

“Should be fun.” Karma said, his sharp canines showing.   

“Now, collect your revolvers everyone,” and one by one, each student picked one from the large carton. “Ready, go!” The teacher blew the whistle.

Everyone ran at their fastest speeds, some hiding and some instantly taking on offence. By the end of the first five minutes, four students were down and Hayami had the lead, by the first three tags. Ritsu was keeping count. And _,_ your yellow octopus of a teacher was indulging himself in the pleasures of nothing other than porn magazines.

Despite the occasional chilly winds, most of the remaining players, which wasn’t much by around thirty minutes, had sweat pouring from their foreheads. According to Ritsu’s counts and your analysis there were five people left: Nagisa, Karma, Chiba, Nakamura and yourself. You didn’t know how many tags the others had, but you had collected an agreeable amount of thirteen tags including Hayami’s three tags, and yours.

The last thing you wanted was to have to face Karma as an opponent considering you had been ignoring him for the day. Not that anyone _or_ he noticed since you were always quiet. So, you ignoring someone was nothing out of the norm. In fact, it didn’t even count so no one cared. However, it wouldn’t be too good for you to face Karma after yesterday. You prayed hard to whoever was responsible to listen to wishes, that Karma would be defeated by someone else.

While you were too preoccupied hoping, two people were already out of your radar. For being careless, you now didn’t know their positions and whether they were still playing.

“Damn it.” You cursed from above the tree branch where you had taken temporary refuge. Those were the first words out of your mouth since you’d started playing. Maybe, just maybe that was one factor leading to your nearly non-existent presence that even Nagisa couldn’t sense. That’s right.  
You’d snuck right behind him and he didn’t notice. If he had, you’d already be on the other side with Karasuma-sensei and others. It was too close even for you, and thus you couldn’t collect his tag but you were thankful for escaping that moment and surviving this long. “What do I do?” You muttered to yourself. If only you could ask Ritsu about the status; only that was forbidden.

“Found ya!” A voice chimed in from behind and you fell to the ground instinctively, realising later you’d been found. Also, that your prayers had gone down in the gutter.

It was Karma.

Your eyes widened as you sprinted, dodging the bullet he just shot. “Shit.” You swore. Jumping below and falling right on his feet, Karma shot again, you barely dodging it. You pulled your revolver switching from defence and shot, missing it. You were nervous. But why? Until then you’d shot everyone so casually without a single muscle twitching, but then—

Karma probably still had his intimidating effect on you from yesterday. You shot again: once, twice, thrice, missing all your shots. It wasn’t working. You had only two more bullets left with no time to reload. You had to run and you tore from your place at your fastest pace. Karma was loosely behind you with ample amount of bullets to fire and time to reload when he ran out, unlike you.

You turned around for a split second when Karma paused to reload, gambling on your shot. You’d be left with only one bullet if this attempt failed but you decided to take the risk.

You didn’t miss.

But, Karma was faster than you thought. His bullet cancelled the force of yours, and they both landed midway on the ground. There, your gamble failed while on its narrow way to winning. You ran. You’d started to feel the need to take a break to breathe but you couldn’t afford it. Your continued running made the pressure on your lungs only worse.

You were panting and gasping for breath, which slowed you. Your feet became heavy and the lack of oxygen in you refused to drag yourself any further. Karma’s bullet hit you right in your head. With thirteen tags, you’d lost. “Damn it!” You cursed aloud hearing another shot behind you, a second later another curse could be heard. It wasn’t yours, rather Karma’s. Behind him stood Nagisa with a steady position, and his revolver in hand. As Karma accepted defeat; Nagisa screamed in victory.

“I won!” He shouted, clearly overjoyed. You weren’t complaining. Nagisa walked over to Karma collecting his tags, and then to you. If your eyes weren’t deceiving you, he had taken exactly thirteen tags from Karma and you too had thirteen. As realisation hit you, you shouted at the blue haired boy.

“NAGISA-KUN!”

He smiled coyly rubbing the back of his head as you gave him your tags, eyes squinted hard at him. “That was an unfair play.” You faked a coarse voice.

“Heh-e” He innocently smiled. What he had done in fact was waited for the last person, hiding all throughout with only his tag, and took him out earning all the tags, all the while, surviving without any mess. “That was the loop-hole in the game.” Nagisa said. “There aren’t actually four objectives, but three. You don’t have to always focus on collecting tags, but instead on surviving.

With that regret overcame you. You were reckless and felt should have been more analytical about the game itself rather than the players. And secondly you regretted not shooting Nagisa when you had the chance. Although that was a more personal reason for regretting.

“Well, well,” you got up from the ground and jerked the dirt off your back. Karma hung his arm around Nagisa’s neck putting his weight on him.

“So I lost eh? At least I beat you, (y/n)-chan.” He smirked showing one of his pointy canines. You made no reply to him. To Nagisa you vaguely mumbled, “I’ll get back to the others.” Walking past Karma without any words for him, you left. It definitely wasn’t silent treatment you were giving him. You just...thought he was a handful and you couldn’t handle his pranks. Stabbing one with a pencil to you, counted as a prank.

PE ended, concluding school for that day. You asked the other girls to go on ahead without you seeing they were tired and you took a while to shower and change.

Taking your sweet time, you stood underneath the lukewarm water cascading on you. It felt soothing after all the sweat you poured.

For a change, speaking more with people you could call friends felt somewhat reassuring. Having people to wait for you after classes was, well, a pleasant feeling. You had never felt you didn’t belong, nor had you felt the opposite of it. The idea of belonging never really crossed your mind amongst every other stress you had. But for this once you could honestly say that the feeling of belonging, it was a nice feeling. It had been only a day and every one was already very friendly with you, apart from a certain redhead of course. His actions towards you, you didn’t understand and right now you didn’t want to. Ignoring him unless absolutely needed seemed to be good for everyone and that’s all you needed to worry about. You hummed to the chorus of (favourite song) while exiting the shower stall; a little late to be humming but that’s okay there was no one to hear you.

You put back on your uniform and dried your hair as much as you could before leaving. You made sure to turn the lights off, and stepped outside, only to be ambushed.

“Took you long enough.” A sly voice crept through your ears and you stood frozen in your tracks.

“Karma-kun.” You murmured involuntarily.

“Was it (song’s name) you were humming to?” He asked.  Although having your back turned to him, you could imagine his wicked smile on his lips. A heat rushed through your body, collecting around your cheeks as embarrassment took over you. So there _was_ someone to hear you.

To quickly divert your embarrassment you spoke not helping yourself at all. “I never imagine you’d be into that kind of music.” Your embarrassment didn’t fade one bit. Great! And all that determination to ignore him. Just great.

“Huh.”

For a second, there was silence between the two of you.

“So about yesterday.” He spoke. You didn’t want to talk about it. At all.

“I want to apologise.”

And you were surprised.  “What?”

“Are you deaf? I’m sorry about yesterday.” His tone wasn’t as annoyed as his words were.

“Oh yeah, that. Yeah, it’s okay I guess.” You mumbled out. “I should be going now.” Saying, you ran only to be caught.

“Wait.” Karma grabbed your wrist; you immediately jolting your hand away. You felt a burn where he held you.

“P-please don't t-touch me, Karma-kun.” Your voice was barely audible.

You ran away.  He didn’t grab you a second time.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. v.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brain: Show, don’t tell.  
> Me: I’m trying!  
> Brain: NO! You aren’t. SHOW SHOW SHOW. Anyone can tell!  
> Me: I’m trying! *Sobs*
> 
>  

 

You handed the test papers back to Koro-sensei. On the desk beside you, Nakamura collapsed and sighed, complaining about how useless tests are. Her tantrums were amusing to you. You definitely hadn’t aced your paper, yet you weren’t drowning in the depths of disappointment.

“I’m sure you didn’t do too badly, Nakamura-chan.”

“I’m sure I’ll fail.” She countered. “How did you do?”

“Meh, I think I’ll get a ten.”

She laughed. “Then I probably did better than you.”

“You probably did.” You genuinely agreed.

“So, (y/n)-chan.” Nakamura cocked one of her frosty blue eyes, momentarily making you shudder. She had to have something unfavourable going on her mind.

“Huh?”

She peered back. You didn’t even want to think about where her eyes wandered. “Why is Akabane staring at you?” Her brows wiggled in a manner that made you want to be swallowed whole inside the cores of the planet. No, really.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled.

“You sure? I haven’t seen you even walk near him in two days. Are you giving him silent treatment or something?”

“No!” You lied. “Why would I do that?” You were straight out ignoring him.

“How would I know? You’re the one he’s staring at, not me.”

“He probably has eye problems.”

“Really?” Nakamura squinted. “You’ve been trying to make conversation with everyone, but him. And now he’s being a creep.”

“He’s not a creep Nakamura-chan!” You defended, unsure of who it really was you were defending.

“Oho!” The blonde sang. “Defensive, are we?”

“No! He may be staring into space and I’m not ignoring him. I just don’t have anything I want to say to him.”

“Come on, (y/n)-chan! Why are you like this?”

“Why am I like how? And why are you so stubborn? It’s probably nothing.”

“Because stubborn is fu—”

 

 

“Damn that Karasuma.” Irina-sensei ~~(yes she calls her Irina-sensei bc. She’s too timid to call a teacher bitch^^)~~ slammed slid the door while not so lowly murmuring and saved you from your friend’s scrutiny. She stood at the teacher’s table and rambled about how dense Karasuma-sensei was rather than beginning the day’s lesson. “He will die a lonely old crane if he’s so oblivious.” She cried while everyone gawked at her, not at all surprised. 

“I think we’re getting a free class today.” Nakamura whispered to you, to which you only nodded.

Ah, excellent.

“So, now would you care to spill what’s going on?”

“Nothing, really.”

“You saying nothing makes me more suspicious of you.”

You sighed.

“Karma-kun is violent and I don’t feel it right for me to be near him.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, yet coming from you, it sounded rather deceptive. Ignoring someone just because they were violent; that wasn’t something you could still do.

At first, Nakamura’s expression said disbelief, but later she bought it. “That’s it? How was he violent to you?”

“Goodness! You’re _so_ stubborn.”

“I know, now spit it out.”

“What good will it do you knowing?”

“A lot. Tell me!”

“Oh-my-god.” You stressed. “He stabbed me. Okay, happy now?”

She blinked a few times, digesting this information.

“What?!” She shouted.

“Hush!” Thanks to your teacher, everyone was either busy teasing her, or clamouring amongst themselves. “Calm down, I didn’t die. It was a pencil. Well it was more like a prick than a stab.”

Nakamura lowered her voice. “What’d you do to provoke him?”

“Apparently I gave a wrong answer to his question.”

“What question.”

“Nakamura-chan!” You cried. “Let’s not talk about Karma-kun anymore, okay?”

“Aw.” She pouted. “But I want to. He might be secretly stalking you. You never know.” ~~(Secretly stalking. Yep, talk about tautology.)~~

“Yeah, I doubt it.”

“But he’s staring at you—” She looked back. “—or not.”

“Exactly.”

With your conversation forced shut by you, gossip about Irina-sensei losing her mind was the main focus during the forty minute time span of that class.

 

 

 

“Food~~!” Kayano sang, her eyes sparkling, on the verge of tears as she absorbed the sight your regular looking bento. “This looks so gooood~~!”

You felt genuinely worried about her. “Kayano-chan.” You touched her forehead to feel her temperature. She felt normal.  “Are you okay? Did you have too much sugar in your tea?”

“No~ I don’t drink tea~.” She had started swirling in front of you and it scared you. Bringing your face close to her ears you whispered, “Kayano-Chan, are you high?”

“Noooo—noooo,” she continued singing.

That confirmed it.  She was high. If it wasn’t her doing, it could be none other than the redheaded devil of a prankster, Karma Akabane. What the hell did he drug this poor, naive girl with?

 You sighed. Getting up from the desk, you walked to where the other girls were standing. Kanzaki noticed you first. “(y/n)-chan, what’s up?”

Wasting no time, you blurted. “I think Karma-kun drugged Kayano-chan.”

“What?!” Everyone cried in unison.

“Hush.” You gestured. “She’s acting all strange and lousy.”

Many pairs of squinted eyes funnily stared at her as she gobbled the food from your lunch box like a maniac, all the while singing and dancing.

Hayami laughed at the scene. Whatever was wrong, one couldn’t deny Kayano looked hilarious doing whatever it is she was doing.

“Then let’s plot revenge.” Nakamura suggested grinning, her hands over her chest; pride for her new master plan evident in her eyes. The others were more than happy to oblige. You were probably the only serious one genuinely worried about Kayano’s temporary insanity rather than plotting revenge against the perpetrator. “I’ll pass.” You said and started to walk away but Nakamura grabbed you by your collar, pulling you back.

“Nope.  You’re the key ingredient of my dish.” She sneered at you. Although you were still getting to Nakamura’s side of pranks, you could tell by the look in her eyes that whatever she was planning couldn’t be good—  

 

 

 

The group whispered in murmurs revising their scheme.

“Go!” Nakamura pushed you. You weren’t happy with what was going to happen. Not at all.

Karma was standing near the back area of the shed talking to Nagisa. He had both of his hands in his pants’ pockets, spine slightly bent backwards, absolutely carefree. Nagisa chuckled at something he said but you could hear only jumbled words. Karma pulled out an anti Koro-sensei knife and grinned widely. Nagisa high fived the boy and retreated in his tracks away from the corner you were hiding at.

Once karma was alone and leaning against the shed wall, you made yourself visible, disapproval of the entire plan tugging at your feet.

You sighed. Nothing good was going to come out of this. You were going to _really_ end up on Karma’s bad side and everyone responsible for what was going to happen would have to taste a fair share of Karma’s ‘payback’.

Getting much nearer, you could hear a soft humming coming from Karma’s direction. You instantly recognised it to be (song’s name from before). It bewildered you. Just a little.

“Karma-kun.” You spoke. His eyes instantly shot up; his form shaken. You had startled him by appearing out of nowhere, although, you were standing there for a while.

“When did you come here?” He reacted abruptly.

“Just now.” You lied.

_Don’t do it_.  A voice hammered in your head; multiple bells chiming horrendously loud. _Don’t do it... Don’t do it…Don’t do it..._

But they were watching you in sheer hopes of their plan to succeed and Ritsu kept an eye on you; your every word being played back. Nakamura had high hopes for you in this. If you didn’t do it, you’d regret disappointing your friend.

As it turned out, steering clear of Karma’s way couldn’t be done anytime soon.

You brought forward your right hand, a wrapped box in your palm. “This is from Kayano-chan.” You said. You expected a reaction from hearing the name, but he showed you none.

“What’s that?” He asked, speaking in no particular emotion.

“Open it yourself.”

You felt alert as he drew near you to take the box. He intimidated you. Very much. But you weren’t aware, the feeling was mutual.

This time though, he was cautious and made sure the both of you didn’t make any physical contact while he took the object from your hand. It made you distraught; that you were rude to him.

As soon as you felt the non-existent weight lift off, you took flight immediately, and ran out of his sight, one of his brows arching at your action.

Giving the box to karma wasn’t what made you not want to do it in the first place, but what Nakamura told you when you said “This isn’t going to work. He’ll never even show up.”

“Oh that hurts me (y/n)-chan. Have some faith in my awesome plan, will ya?”

“Please explain how a note will convince ‘the’ Karma?”

“It won’t.” She said making this master plan of hers even more dubious.  “That’s where you come in. If it’s you giving it to him, he’ll at least be a little curious and want to check it out.”

“Right.” You said bitingly, although you didn’t question her further about it. No matter how much you ignored it, you weren’t stupid. You knew Karma was interested by you if not in you after the most recent incident. All the more reason to not do this.

What the box contained was a note and a paper rose; the note asking Karma to meet Kayano or you or anybody at a certain coffee shop. It was Nakamura’s brilliant idea to not put a name as it would “keep Karma thinking.”  

During the latter half of classes, your eyes were pinned to the board, undivided attention paid to Koro-sensei’s lectures; a product of you trying to force shut your encounter with Karma and the dread about how he was going to react.

 

After school, Kanzaki and you climbed the mountain down together before parting ways at the closest crossroad, going different ways to your houses.

You really, _really_ didn’t want to have to face Karma tomorrow and hoped only that the boy didn’t decide to read the note, much less do as it asked.

 

_***_

_The curtain drawn; downstairs, a telephone rocked in vibration; yourself in the sanitised room smelling of chemicals; new sheets and no body._

_You sat curled up against a corner wall, mumbling noises erupting from your lips that quivered against your will. A thin ray of silver light penetrated through an opening at the window fading on you as it illuminated your form against the contours and shadows of the room._

_“Please, please, please, please, please, please, please…p-please…” Your voice echoed in a loop of words. Hairs at the back of your neck stayed risen as your body convulsed in bouts of terror._

_A bigger man towered over you, casting a shadow. One hand of his held a cheap rum bottle, the stink of it warping you sense of smell. Your memory was as fresh as the morning sky, clear with no grey clouds; not dulled, not one bit. He threw the bottle away and it broke in shatters. Standing inches away from you he unbuckled his pants letting them loose on the floor…_

_You buried your face behind your knees, shaking much more, panting and pleading ceaselessly, “No, no, no, no, no, no,”_

_But there was no one there. No one to cast a shadow; just you and your memories and your hallucinations._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. vi.

The door stood a metre away from you, welcoming you into the room where you knew something peculiar was going to take place. You inhaled a long breath, making your mind up as you exhaled. “Right.” You muttered to yourself. “I’ll go in and pretend like I’m innocent. I know nothing.” Giving your head a shake, you slid the door open.

“You big pervert!” Kurahashi screamed.

“What if something happened to her?” Scolded Kataoka.

“Where on bloody earth did you get a magic mushroom?” Aloof Maehara squabbled.

“We’re on top of a mountain—but really, you practically drugged her!” Said, kind Sugino.

“Ah, really now!” And Nakamura, well, she was lost in despairs that her master plan, whether it succeeded or not, was futile. Now whatever revenge Karma would plot against _her,_ would be no fun. For this time, Okajima was responsible for the little joke he pulled and the entire class—the entire class present at that moment anyway—surrounded him, charging at him with questions.

“Man, I said I’m sorry.” The boy crammed between the others groused. He rubbed the back of his head while crying out his apologies.

“Um, hey, guys,” You whimpered awkwardly. “What’s going on?”  Getting closer you saw Kayano in front of the others, facing Okajima with puffed cheeks and pouting in dismay.

“Oh, (y/n)!” Your blonde friend cried in a sing-song manner. “Look at what you’ve done.” She hurled herself at you, her arm wrapping around your neck. “Oh, dear,” She pretended to be tipsy. “Okajima was the one to drug Kayano yesterday.”

You wished for one thing—

If the ground would open and swallow you whole, you’d be content.

“Shit.” You cursed. “Karma-kun won’t be happy about this.”

“Damn right he won’t.” Nakamura mockingly eyed you as your fists clenched. Really, why did you jump to the conclusion that Karma was responsible for Kayano’s strange behaviour while there were twenty six other students, excluding Ritsu of course? “But you know, (y/n)-chan,” She whispered in your ears. “He might actually be _too_ upset about this.” She then moved her face away from yours and winked. “Just saying.”

You averted your attention to Okajima, who then genuinely looked sorry. “Why did you pull that on her?” You asked.

“I thought it would be fun to see Kayano-chan act all doped and tipsy, I’m sorry okay?”

You sighed.

The classes were spent with you mostly doodling over your notebooks and copies trying your best to not look back at Karma’s bench. You had started to dread the least sight of him, wondering what he had in store for you for yesterday’s occasion.

 

During the last period, Koro-sensei paused beside you a second in between teaching in his Mach 20 speed, flying from student to student. “See me before you leave for home.” He said and took flight once again, only to come back seconds later with a new and harder math problem for you. It made you a little confounded that he suddenly wanted to speak with you alone. You felt cautious and that troubled you more. Had you done something to upset your teacher? But he seemed absolutely fine…

Focusing on the math problem before you was made difficult as you pondered unnecessary thoughts. When Koro-sensei came back to you, you hadn’t written a single number. He paused a second helping you with the starting equation and asked you to group the letters and numbers separately ~~(wow that oxymoron)~~ and you tried doing so, ending up with a larger equation and couldn’t solve it. With your teacher pausing several times beside you and correcting your errors, you were finally able to get it. The others however had proceeded to further problems. 

Your brain was heating up, and getting tensed. The numbers in front of you could start to blur if you stared too hard at them. Your teacher flying around the room like a tornado didn’t help you focus, either.

“-Sensei!” You stood up from your seat, having everyone’s attention immediately pinned on you. “I need a break,” saying, you ran out of the room and outside. Your friends could see you in the middle of the field right in front of the building, from their class window.

A light breeze blew, mixed with the slightest of a summer warmth, marking the ends of winter. It felt good on the skin of your face. “Better.” You purred to yourself.

You had tensed over Koro-sensei’s request of seeing him after school, and the fresh air did well to your mind by relieving you of it. However, how you’d ran out of the room in the middle of the class, didn’t leave the best of impressions on neither your teacher nor classmates. If anything, Koro-sensei had become more worried than before.

“(y/n)-san!” The yellow colour had transitioned to an unsaturated blue and sweats poured from Koro-sensei’s face. “Get back here!” He yelled at you.

You spun around instantly bowing in apology and walked back inside. The entire class was giving you awkward looks, with the exception of one indifferent boy, Akabane. Unwillingly, your eyes wandered to him looking at him as he returned the gaze. He was rolling his pencil in his hand as he looked at you dumbfounded.

All right. You got it. Everyone was confused and so where you. That abrupt action you pulled—you didn’t really understand why you did it yourself.

“Erm—” You struggled. Bowing strongly and honestly, you cried out, “I’m sorry!”

“Please take your seat, and solve the problem.” A tentacle fell on your head lightly.

“Yes, s-sir!”

You did get yourself to solve the problems before the class ended, although closely.

 

***

“May I come in?”

“Please.” Only Koro-sensei was present in the teacher’s room. “Have a seat, (y/n)-san.”

Pulling one in front of your teacher, you seated yourself before him.

“How are you doing?” He asked you. You knew what he implied to and didn’t even feel the need to lie—

“Not as good as I thought I would.” You said looking down. “I look forward to coming school now, not because I want to stay away from my house but because I am starting to like my class and everyone here. It’s a good thing.” You started positively.

“But, at home,” You paused; Koro-sensei didn’t interrupt you. “although I know I killed that man with my own hands, I feel a strange presence eyeing me. And other times, well sometimes, I feel this bloodlust take over me and I just want to break that man’s body. How do I explain this?”

He rested his tentacle on your shoulder, trying to be supportive. “It’s alright. If you weren’t troubled, I’d be worried even more.” He said.

You nodded.

“I am happy you’re getting along with everyone now.”

“They’re great people. Everyone’s kind to me.”

“I’m glad to know.” His tone then shifted slightly. “Are you having difficulties living alone?” He asked.

You shook your head. “Uhm. I’m doing alright, I guess. I was thinking of getting a part-time job like Isogi-kun. I know it’s forbidden to work as a student, but I don’t have anyone who will provide me with the minimum amount I need for surviving.”

“What about your _emotions_ then? Are you feeling detached from yourself lately?”

“Honestly, I can’t really say. The three months that this man was brought into my life; I can’t really say how they passed. Now that I think about it, these months feel so small, yet so long. My memory feels kind of vague. Apart from my occasional urges to kill the man whose life I’ve already ended, I don’t feel very, um what do I say? It’s like, I don’t know, I can’t really explain this—” The way you tackled phrasing the matter of death in such an indifferent manner, disoriented your teacher despite what was done to you; despite the fact that he was in the class 3-E to be one day, assassinated. His expression didn’t show it through though.

“It’s okay to feel muddled in your emotions right now. You don’t have to tell me exactly how you feel. If you feel like you’re doing even remotely okay, I’m happy.” However, how you said your memories felt vague, concerned him.

You _smiled_.

That moment was the first time you smiled, in a long while. You actually smiled. You couldn’t recall the last time you mouth curled up to show an emotion of contentment, real or fake, it didn’t matter.

But was it really you who smiled, or was it—?

Koro-sensei patted your head. You absorbed the sensation of affection, recalling how he was the only person, or rather, creature whose touch didn’t make you revolt and panic. Maybe because he wasn’t human, and maybe that’s what made him _more_ humane, and trustworthy? Your smile remained on your face.

“You’re off now.” His grin was permanent on his face on most times, whether he was happy or not was another case. You didn’t want to show yourself, and he couldn’t on most part, even if he wanted to. The irony of life indeed.

You nodded and politely left.

 

Your hands rummaged through your copies and stationaries in your bag to find the key to your locker. Pens, pencils and other objects alongside your key, jingled, causing you to try and look into your messily packed bag.

“That wasn’t nice, _(y/n)-_ chan.” You jerked up at the bitter tone, masked under coyness. You immediately turned back to find none other than, “Karma-kun!” You said, sighing. He had startled you.

“H-h-hey.” You stammered. That was your first word to him that day. “Why haven’t you gone home yet?”

He walked closer to you and you drew back until the locker hit your back, and instantly Karma put both his arms over your sides, trapping you. You didn’t flinch.

“First you blame me for something I haven’t done.” He inspected you wickedly. “Then you stand me up after asking me to meet you. And now you make me wait for ten minutes. You’re really cruel, you know that?”

“Th-that note, i-it was from Kayano-chan.”

“Was it really?” His gaze was piercing.

You swallowed, without a response.

“I did want you to come despite being hundred and ten percent aware it was a practical joke and you were probably put up to it. Why do you think that is?”

“Why?” You asked having your thought process occupied with was happening before you.

Karma smirked, bringing his face closer to you and your eyes widened the instant he placed his lips on yours, forcefully taking them into his mouth. Your nerves agitated at the action, dulling your reaction speed.

“Mmm—” You tried to moan and move, to unlatch yourself but he pinned your arms tightly. One knee pinning your leg, and his other leg was strongly glued to yours. You could do very little to move from the position he had you hooked in. As his lips moved against yours more harshly, a part of you felt the urge to scream, but another unknown part of you wanted to not do anything. Neither seek pleasure from the kiss, nor dissatisfaction. And against your strongest wills, you were overpowered, soon ceasing any struggles you put up, standing there, like a puppet; much like you’d stopped struggling against the man. Tears formed a thin layer over the whites and iris of your eyes, threatening to fall. You just wanted Karma to stop… _Please, stop…_

Maybe he heard you inner wails, maybe he didn’t. He probably didn’t, but still pulled away once he felt satisfied.

“There.” He said. His gold eyes lustered in an emotion you couldn’t figure out. You didn’t have the strength to look at him and figure out. “You asked me to not touch you.” He murmured in a really hushed tone. “But, I kissed you.” So close to your ears, his words sounded like deafening noises that you just wanted to stop.

Karma had noticed your eyes. He simply felt too arrogant to let them sway him. “I can only guess that was your first kiss.” Mocking you, he casually left, leaving you stuck motionlessly to the locker.

Not one drop of tear fell. You managed to dry them up.

_You are wrong._ You wanted to scream. _My first kiss…_ You really wanted to scream. _First kiss…what a load of crap._ The man had taken that away from you, too. Compared to him, Karma was nothing.

Compared to him, no injury, was anything. No one could make you feel as endangered as him even while being dead.

He really was something. Something so horrendously, awfully, _bad_.

As Karma walked away, his back turned to you, you smiled. Your mouth curled up in the emotion of contentment.

_Whether it was real or fake, it didn’t matter._ You just had to…smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.  
> I won't be updating for a month as I'll go out of country and won't get a chance to write while travelling.  
> I'll start writing as soon as I come back though. Until I return I'll keep both my stories on hold.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	7. vii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm back home XD. I can start writing again woo. The thought about going back to school a week later is making me all sad and depressed :'3. Anyway, here's an update, enjoy. I'll post another chapter within tomorrow. For now here's a playlist I made for this story. (Playlist, playlist, please make up for one month's absence. xD) 8tracks.com/xnyanx/shriveled

Soothing rhythms of the mellow song flowed into your ears, quieting any external noise. Behind you, the sky was daubed in coral hues between the natural mauves, with the smeared edges of a setting sun. The side of your head reflected the warm light and your (h/c) hair dazzled under the ray.

Around you, few elderly women carried grocery bags, walking back to their homes as you were carrying your school bag.

You turned at the footpath corner where the shops ended, and began the residential zone. Crammed between two larger apartment complexes, your house stood.

Upon entrance, the guard’s eyes gazed at you in a puzzled expression; a look he had been non-stop giving you for the days since your ‘father’ passed away. He had his fair share of doubts against you, which he failed to convey to the police since they had to stop their investigation. 

Your real father, former owner of the place had died, your mother left without notice and this man too, was gone permanently, leaving you in the guard’s finest scrutiny. Maybe, that day his stare was a little _too_ strong on you. You had learned to ignore their dirty, pitying, and often disregarding looks. You climbed the elevator to your floor. Luckily for you, it was empty.

Fishing out your door-key you poked the hole and it didn’t click; turning the knob you pushed the door open, swallowing the fact it wasn’t locked. You knew you had locked it. You were sure you had. Did the police come back? Your former relaxed and calm nerves had started to palpitate at the sides of your forehead, darkening your vision ever so slightly. You turned the entrance light on, your heart anticipating in suspense.

You tip-toed as though afraid of what you might find if you made the tiniest of sound. Music in your ears hadn’t stopped playing but you’d stopped hearing it in the process of stopping yourself from yet another panic.

As you’d gotten nearer to your room, the door beside yours, whammed open revealing the person in a bathrobe, hair wrapped neatly in a towel. Your heart was slammed as you digested the sight in front of you.

“Aha! So I see you’re home.” The voice so scraggy and needle-like pierced through each of the tissues in your ears. Your feet froze in place; your hands shaking, yet body numb; you felt fear and anger clashing against each other within you. _Her_ ice blue eyes, so malicious, as they stared at you made parts of your body burn.

You struggled to get the letters at the tip of your tongue; they dissolved in the acid forming at your throat. “M-mo-m—” You tried, failing your first attempt.

_“Mother.”_

And the second, just left your mouth emotionlessly. Your lips curled up.

You _smiled._

“Hello there,” You too, greeted maliciously. “mother.” The next time you spat the word.

The woman’s brows furrowed ever so slightly at your unprecedented reaction. She definitely had expected you to start screaming at the sight of her. But you didn’t and she was disappointed.

“You aren’t going to run away and call all the neighbours?” She jeered.

“Did you expect that I would?” You replied. Your feet could move again and your body temperature felt normal too.

The woman’s face showed exasperation at your coolness. She bent down towards you, both your eyes shooting daggers at each other’s.

“Now, would you do me the favour of telling me what you did?” She accused.

“What did I do?” You toyed.

“Don’t play dumb, you bitch!” Instantly, she clutched a pile of your hair and pulled you towards her. “I’ll beat you harder if you don’t speak the truth.”

“Try it!” You spat at her face, the hot acid hitting her in the cheek. Her eyes flamed at the action and she was furious. She hurled your body away and you fell to the ground losing momentum. “You’re the bitch!” You shrieked. “You’re a fucking pedophile and so was your old trash lover!”

“How many young boys have you thought of sticking in your hole, huh? You’re a whore, just without an official label.”

Her feet launched at your stomach making you involuntarily growl in the ache.

_It doesn’t hurt…This is nothing…This can’t hurt…Nothing this small can hurt…_

You immediately laughed. “You don’t even care about what your lover has done to me.”

“My lover, my lover, _my lover!_ ” The woman howled at you. “That man is _not_ my _lover!_ I have nothing to do with anyone who has anything to do you!”

You laughed again. How funny could one person be?

“Stop laughing!” She kicked you again but you punched her leg away helping yourself get up.

“Why are you here?” You asked repressing your urge to slit open the woman’s throat.

“What do you mean why I’m here?!” She shouted. “If you haven’t forgotten, you father was still married to me when he decided to kill his pathetic self. So this house belongs to me now.”

“Say, _mother,_ you seduced my father into marrying you after something happened to my real mother. Didn’t you?”

“What?” She wailed.

“It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Listen, you piece of shit!” The woman screamed in her high pitched cowering. “I’m your real mother who endured nine months of torture and an ugly belly with you! I had to follow a strict diet after you were born and oh!” She exclaimed. “How ugly I had become.

How dare you tell me something so outrageous? Be at least grateful for bringing you into this world and raising you after your arsehole of a father died on me, you ungrateful garbage!”

“Is that so?” You grinned. “If you are my real mother, then why do you hate me so much?” But you already knew the answer.

“Why? WHY, you ask? Because, you took away all the men from my life. Everyone looked at you with more affection than they looked at me with even when you were only a minute old, you witch.”

“Did they really? I wonder how you can call the way your lover looked at me was with ‘affection’.” In a rapid second’s movement, you hurled yourself at her and your palms clutched at her throat, choking her.

Surprise overcame her spiteful expression and she started to gag.

“This time Karasuma-sensei won’t be able to cover for me and I’ll really go to jail. But I don’t care if it feeds my resentment towards you. More than that man, I hate you.” Your teeth showed as you continued to grin, a crimson hunger tinting your eyes and you transferred all your energy to your hands.

“Y-yo-o-r…k-k…-r-in…m-e” She desperately struggled to pull herself away from you. But she was clearly outmatched. After all, you were the one who trained every day at school to one day assassinate an inhumanly strong creature, and not her.

“That’s the whole point.” You hungrily whispered, your hands’ pressure on her neck increasing by the second. The moment your victim became unconscious your hands slowly slid down of their own accord letting her fall to the ground with a thud.

You were seeing and hearing each movement play out before you, but your attack was co-consciously executed as if another being took over your actions while you merely perceived.

Now, at the back of your head a voice shouted at you, “Kill her,” as you passed by the kitchen barely glancing at the utensils with the knives. But your feet were in another’s control as they dragged you out of the house.

Your eyes looked dully ahead of you, and the muscles in your face relaxed with your lips falling in a straight line, no longer smiling.

You returned the guard’s gaze expressionlessly denying him an opportunity to question you.

The streets you wandered often during nights became your destination; the place you went back to.

You walked to ease your mind as music continued to flow into your ears.

_What a day._

How did so much happen within the short time span of less than twelve hours?

Quite surprisingly, you felt the need to talk to somebody. It was very surprising indeed. As you sat near the window occasionally looking at the navy evening sky, talking to your blonde friend, you were indeed surprised at yourself.

Nakamura blinked at you several times in disbelief as you blurted out about your and Karma’s encounter, before yelling, “Say _what_?!”

You sheepishly looked at her scratching the back of your head. Her reaction wasn't unexpected.

“Karma-kun really was upset with your prank.”

Nakamura wiggled her brows and curled her lips into an impish smirk. “Upset?” she cried. “I’m sure that devil is hopping on his bed to this moment in happiness.”

You laughed. “Well that would be convenient, but I doubt it. I don’t think I’ll be able to look at him for a week now. I'm sure that's what he wanted.”

“Huh~ maybe. But Karma kissed somebody how can I let such an incredible opportunity to make his life harder, slide? I wish I hadn't made that promise a while back. I want to tease him so badly now.”

“A promise is a promise.” You hated yourself for saying that while casually breaking _your_ promise to Koro-sensei.

You hadn’t uttered a syllable about your mother to Nakamura. You'd called her up feeling lonely and in the need of company and asked her to meet you at the nearest cafe.

The explanation to you still wearing your uniform was simple: “I didn’t go home. I felt like walking around a bit.”

One gossip led to other then another and another and you’d divulged about how Karma forcefully kissed you.

“You take this to your grave with you.” You said. Morbidly phrased jokes were nothing odd amongst E-class students and you too were a misfit. The only difference being, now you had a pack.

“Right, right!  I know. I keep my mouth stitched regarding this matter.” She heaved a long sigh leaning her head against her arms. “But this is so tempting, naaaawr~”

“Resisting temptation makes you stronger.” You lectured in a funny tone.

“Whoever told you that.” She sipped from her steaming coffee and you mirrored.

“My dad did.” You smiled ignoring the fact the girl before you only knew you had killed your dad. You were the absolute worst at keeping promises, yet, with the heart to lecture another about them.

None of your friends really knew what exactly was going on with you except the vaguest of explanations. While they waited for you to open up, you were. But in the way a shy junior high kid would; not as someone seeking help to recover from trauma.

“Dad?” Her tone shifted.

“My real dad” You said.

“Oh.”

“It’s okay. This doesn’t have to be awkward.”

Nakamura’s half covered eyes under the coffee cup, curiously looked at you.

“I looked up to him as a child.” You softly said, smiling ever so slightly. Maybe, just maybe, you weren’t faking it then. “He took care of me. And was there for me when my mother wouldn’t be. I idealised him. His calm and quiet nature intrigued me and I’ve always wanted to be like that. And although I often sensed a lingering sadness whenever around him, I ignored it and deluged myself on him. That was mostly because I didn’t understand how he felt. He never let me.”

“Where is he now?” Nakamura asked.

“He’s dead. He committed suicide.”

It came to her as a shock. “Why did he—” She hesitated at first. “You know,”

“It’s okay.” You said.

“He would often apologise to me for the littlest things and sometimes just say sorry for no reason at all. Maybe he needed someone to know he was sorry. I don’t think he had done something to offend anyone for which he’d have to apologise so much.” The memory of him pained you. The realisation you had then but not before made you so guilty. Beyond any expression. “I think he felt like a burden to no one but himself. He didn’t speak about it though. I feel he hated himself for being alive despite all that he had given to me; despite how loved he made me feel. I think he felt unable to share his troub—” The words from your lips disappeared as your mouth was frozen agape; eyes fixated on the pair of red and blue heads at the entrance. Nakamura in front of you, waved her hands calling your name, trying to snap you back but you stared wide eyed in shock.

Out of all the seven cafes in that small area’s radius and more extravagant ones, Karma and Nagisa just happened to be meeting at the one you were in.

How many more events did one single day have in store for you?


	8. viii

Nakamura turned her head back giving up on trying to grab your attention and faced back to see what was so interesting to have you completely enthralled. She met the two boys and her face lit up with a sea of silly ideas.

“Yo! Nagisa.” She called out and few of the customers looked up at her for being too loud.

“Ah?” He looked at the direction of your table and unfortunately, so did Karma. “Hey! Nakamura-chan, hello (y/n)-chan.” He greeted and walked to your table that still had seats for two more people. Just perfect.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Although she was asking Nagisa, Nakamura wickedly eyed Karma, only one thing playing in her mind: he had kissed you and she itched to tease him. Of course she had to resist.

“Karma-kun wanted to hang out.” He said and settled beside your friend, not you, and you were not at all thrilled about having Karma beside you.

“Shit.” You swore under your breath. Luckily, the blonde and her seatmate didn’t hear. About the redhead, you weren’t sure. He casually placed himself by, without uttering a word to you. He wasn’t quiet, he was definitely chatty, but not for you.

And at that moment whether it was a good thing or a bad, you couldn't decide. The trio had already engaged themselves in gossip, leaving you to your own devices of fidgeting with your fingers as you tensed up by sitting so close to the boy.

Aloof Nagisa didn’t notice your discomfort and evil Nakamura smirked at you on any off-chance. Of course she did. She enjoyed watching you after you’d made her promise something so restraining.

A waiter came back serving two menus to the new guests.

“What do you want Karma-kun?” Nagisa asked.

With a quick glance through the menu, he said to the waiter, “Salted caramel ice cream.”

“Then,” Nagisa scanned through the menu once more. “I’ll take an apple pie with hazelnut crust.”

“Also,” Karma added, “top mine with roasted almonds and caramel sauce.”

“Apple pie with hazelnut crust, and a salted caramel ice cream with roasted almonds and caramel sauce—” He repeated. “Will be right here.” Flashing a cordial smile, the waiter left.

“I want ice cream!” Nakamura cried realising she carelessly ordered the exact same thing as you without giving the menu a second glance.

You meekly smiled, “You should have gotten one.”

“Naw~”

Nakamura was barely pushing back her urge to scream at Karma “You _kissed_ (y/n)!” She restlessly swung her head from side to side while talking. She would have burst if she hadn’t done it…

She gave up.

The blonde groaned at irritation and vigorously pulled herself up. She stood with her arms folded on her chest and squinted at you. “I am sorry!” She exclaimed. “The promise has sunk.”

Your lungs felt heavy; you praying your hardest that she wouldn’t, that something would magically happen and stop Nakamura, or maybe that you’d be struck by lightning to be safe from another embarrassment, but no.

“Akabane here _kissed_ (y/n)!” She shouted for the entire café to hear. Yes, if only lightning would strike you that second, you’d be content to have been saved from being under the spotlight of humiliation. You were too unfortunate though, for anything you wished for to come true. Even the waiter with the pie and ice cream stood in his tracks giggling.

For a brief moment you felt the eyes of the entire world—or the eyes of everyone one present in the café at least—on you and you alone. Exaggerated emotions, but you felt them nonetheless.

“EH?!” Nagisa was shock-struck. His mouth dropped to form an O.

You didn’t have the tiniest drop of resolve left in you to look up from your feet. Heat seeped up to your face radiating at every direction, yet not wearing. You could hear your heart drum at the back of your head in roars and you had absolutely nothing to say to Nakamura. You realised, you shouldn’t have told her. Told her about anything. Nothing at all. You couldn’t trust her. You felt so foolish to believe otherwise.

“Here’s your order.” The waiter came, served and left. You didn’t lift your gaze up.

“I feel satisfied now.” She sighed. Leaning closer to you, she whispered. “I’m sorry, (y/n)-chan. It was just so tempting.” It didn’t matter then if she was sorry or not. You were sorry. For yourself.

“Karma-kun.” Nagisa murmured. “Is it true?”

You ignored the movement in your peripheral and ignored the lack of presence as Karma walked away to the restroom. Nagisa followed.

When it was just the two of you, you mumbled inaudibly. “You shouldn’t have done that.” Struggling with yourself, you forced your hands to not act on their own accord. Nakamura was your friend. She was your friend. _She was your friend…friend…_

A voice of somebody—you knew, not yours then—chanted in your head to bring you back from the maddened state you were sent to.

“Are you angry?” The blonde purred, feeling slightly unnerved by your silence. You made no movement.

Feeling concerned, she lightly rested a hand on your shoulder and you instantly swatted it away. Your eyes fixed on hers, half lidded and darkened. You murmured repeating yourself. “You shouldn’t have done that…”

The right side of Nakamura’s face twitched feeling the horrid vibe off of you. She retreated and luckily the two boys had come back before you could really snap.

“Erm, could you come with me for a moment?” The blue haired boy spoke with your friend, uncertainty playing at his lips. Nakamura nodded and left, leaving Karma and you. He sat in Nakamura’s place in front of you, and dug the spoon in his ice cream, scooping a large glob and shoved it in his mouth.

Swallowing, he broke the silence. “You’re gonna talk or what?” He still spoke so arrogantly.

You clutched your coffee cup, unresponsive.

“I’m not sorry for what happened before, but right now I’m embarrassed myself. I didn’t expect you to go and tell Nakamura about it.”

“She _is_ my closest friend.” You involuntarily defended. But was it her you defended or yourself?

“I’m not blaming you. I wanted you embarrass you, I did. Unfortunately I was dragged into it myself.” He took another spoon.

“Want some?” He offered.

Your brows furrowed. Setting anger aside momentarily, you were puzzled. “What?”

“I asked if you want some.” He said flatly.

“No.”

“Okay.”

Longer moments of silence bellowed at both your ears before you spoke this time.

“Why did you do it?” You asked finally allowing yourself the right to be puzzled, curious, shy, charmed, and any other emotion that you’d previously refrained yourself from feeling. You wanted to know why. Although a part of you knew why and warned you were better off not discussing it, you were curious.

How did you abstain from launching yourself at Nakamura when only an hour ago you were on the road to kill your mother? How did you control this unknown side of yours from taking over your actions when you were clearly ruthless?

You wanted to know.

“Because I was angry at you.” His words slurred for the spoon in his mouth.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why were you angry at me? You knew _how_ genuine the letter was. Then why?”

“As I said. I wanted you to come despite knowing you wouldn’t and it made me angry.”

“And so you kissed me?”

“Yeah.” He looked at you haughtily. “Wait, are you under the impression I liked it? Because I didn’t.”

You internally sighed. Your teeth gritted just at the thought of how rude you were going to sound in your next few sentences. “Look, Karma-kun.” You said gathering more courage than you could store. You were going to need it. “When I asked you not to touch me, I meant it. And I don’t care if you liked that kiss or not. I didn’t. I don’t like people touching me, and that’s just how it is. And I think it’s better for the both of us if we stayed away from each other.”

“I don’t like people touching me.” He mocked. “Why? Are you royalty or something? And what’s that about staying away from each other? One night you come to my house asking me to let you stay and I do. And the next morning I find out you killed your father—for having the police at your place, you once again stay at my house. So who needs to stay away? Us or you?”

“I once again stay at your house for a few hours and then you stab me with a pencil to satisfy your silly idea of ‘stirring things up.’”

Karma cocked his brows.

“If you really want to argue, I can very well refute you. But I don’t want to. You have a twisted way of thinking—” You stopped mid track not wanting to sound any ruder than you already had.

You bit your lower lip and stood up. “I really should go.”

“Stop!” He grabbed your wrist for a split second, immediately letting go. “Finish what you have to say. I asked Nagisa-kun to wait with Nakamura-chan, so talk to me before I kiss you again, in front of everyone here and embarrass you even more.”

Karma wasn’t joking.

Against your will, you sat back but remained quiet.

“Speak.” Karma gestured.

“I’ve nothing to speak to you about.” You lied.

“Of course you do. You just said I have a twisted way of thinking. I wanna hear about it.”

“Fine.” You stated “You like violence. Your ideas of tricks aren’t harmless. You have invaded my personal space thrice. You get angry about tiny things and make things about yourself.”

“How do I make things about myself? Aren’t you just throwing accusations at me now?”

“No. I’m serious. You said it yourself. You were angry at me because I didn’t come although you wanted me to. There wasn’t going to be anyone, and you knew that.”

The boy shrugged.

“Also,” You had started to sound hopeless. “stop doing what you do. It’s not just you, I really can’t handle when—”

“Why?” He cut you off, challenging you. “Are you that much of a prude to be so vulner—”

“Because I’ve been violated!” You snapped, unable to hold back your shout anymore. Once again, few eyes wandered over to you. The customers were getting irritated at the loud yells coming from your table. The waiter even came and requested that you keep it hushed.

In front of you the red head sat unmoving; a shocked expression plastered on his face. He didn’t expect an outburst like that and neither did you. You really did say that aloud…so much for keeping your own secret. You couldn’t blame Nakamura anymore.

“Ca-can we go out?” Your voice had dropped like the temperature on an icy night. “I feel stuffy all of a sudden.”

Karma didn’t respond to you. Not directly anyway. Calling for the waiter, he paid for all the four of you.

Even after getting out, you were quiet. You felt like punching yourself. For three reasons. One: for blurting it out. Two: for blurting in out in front of so many people. Three: for blurting it out in front of so many people, but revealing it first to Karma.

The both of you stood at a corner of the stairwell, Karma leaning against the wall. “They’re both downstairs.” He said.

You nodded but he didn’t budge from his place.

“Was it your dad?” His tone had surprisingly subsided. At that moment, Karma sounded careful and oddly gentle, almost reassuring. You didn’t expect him to grow soft upon hearing it; but it didn’t feel like pity either.

You nodded again.

“For how long?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I want you to talk about it.”

“I’m sorry. It’s too soon, and I don’t want to revisit that moment. I’m not ready.”

“Am I the first one you’ve told about this?”

“Unintentionally. Yes.”

“Ah, well.” Karma extended his right hand. You blinked, confused. “Come on! I'm not going to eat you up. It’s just a hand shake.” He didn’t do an excellent job at reassuring you about that, but you took a risk. You were gambling. With karma, it was all a gamble.

You shook it feeling a sharp pang trail down your spine. “I’m Karma Akabane.”

“What?”

“What?”

“I know what your name is.”

“Yeah so do I.” Karma snorted.  “We’re starting over, moron.”

“Oh! I’m (full name)” You still had difficulties comprehending how this boy's mood leaped.

“Great.  Now we’re friends too. Shall we go?”

“Hmm.” Your puzzled eyes looked fixatedly at his back as he climbed down.

“Oh by the way,” He turned for the shortest of second. “I’m not sorry for the kiss. Just saying.”

“You will be, hopefully.” You said, glad that his back was faced to you for you really, _really,_ didn’t understand why suddenly you felt so lightened. Your anger at Nakamura seemed to be non-existent by then.  

“Sorry guys for having you wait. And Nagisa-kun, really sorry about your pie.”

“Umm, Karma-kun,” Nakamura slid from behind Nagisa, avoiding you and whispered something to Karma as you stared at them feeling slightly self-conscious.

Karma laughed. “Yeah and no.”

What were they talking about?

“Great!” Nakamura exclaimed and finally spoke to you. She grinned showing her full set of teeth. “Then I won’t be killed.” That sentence to you, was oddly ironic.

“Wanna crash at Isogai’s cafe? This was pretty depressing.” Karma plopped his arm on Nagisa’s shoulder, weighing on the poor boy like he always did.  

“Sure.” His friend agreed.

“I’m in.” Cried yours.

“Um, I’m sorry but I need to go back home. As you can see I’m still in my uniform and I’m quite exhausted too.”

“Okay.” Karma said. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow. Bye!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. ix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...the hell of tormenting classes has broken loose....  
>  ahem.  
> I mean I have school and classes and shit and absolutely zero time to even sleep and eat;;;;;  
> Here's an update while I cry away my stress.  
> Enjoy x

The ache seeped through forcing your senses to nullify as to enable you to withstand. Your recollection had become vague, muddled in fact, with your emotions. Pricks sprouted from within your skin; a sensation of being ripped.

You lied on the hard metal bars of the park bench, beneath the sky smoked with clouds of ebony. How you'd gotten there or why you were there, you did not know. On you was stuck your school uniform, in your hand was your phone that wouldn't start up. Several minutes ago, your mind awakened and you found yourself facing the sky; events prior to that moment, you couldn’t remember at all.

The cold breeze wheezing, afar a murmuring whistle of air and the occasional rustling of fallen leaves brushing over the ground amidst the dark cloak before you, chilled your spine. You feared what might appear from dust before you. And yet you lay stitched to the bench.

That nights was one of the lucky ones, you thought. You hadn't seen a guard who could drag you back home.

Your eyes blinked unwittingly as you felt them grow heavier and heavier. They soon snapped shut and before the sun rose at dawn, you found yourself creeping into your room thinking not about last night, but school.

The woman was asleep and the time, a little past four. You entered the bathroom. Your body stank from the lack of refreshment. Thank the winter, your clothes could manage a day with perfume alone. That once you'd spent your night and day, but you couldn't always. That woman needed to leave. Soon.

School and Koro-sensei gave you hope. If you would just tell him, you were sure he would have this woman handed to the police, won’t he? You wouldn't have to commit murder yet again.

Honestly, the smell of blood was repulsing and the smell of blood of someone you hated made you want to drain them of it. But that would be so much work...

She would be better off with the police and away from your sight.

Your internal debate lasted for the entire time that you cleansed yourself.

 

You abided by the rational decision amongst the others made by the two consciousness within you; Koro-sensei was made aware of this mother of yours.

And still, **after a month** later, she was living in that house with you.  

You cursed your rationality. She would be so much better off as dead. And thus, there you sat: a pool of crimson liquid beneath you, the woman gurgling in fear. 

_She_ sliced _your_ stomach.

Your mouth twisted in a grin, with a hollow yet grim expression clouding the outlines of your face.

“I-I-I—I-I—” A single word denied to trail past her lips. Her fear was larger than the crunching pain at your stomach.

“I’v-e…caw-d—” Blood bubbled in your mouth and you were crouched with your arms against the large slit, trying to minimise your blood loss. This ‘you’ was bloodthirsty, hell bent on returning favours, and when ‘it’ came out, none of the other two ‘yous’ had any control over your actions. The one time you could control it was at the café, from bursting at Nakamura. And it was the last. Living with your _mother_ robbed you of that control over ‘it’.

You wanted to frame the expression on the woman’s face; so horrid and terrified. Pained and ugly. Throat pulsing like that of a frog and a coarse voice not unlike one. Oh! How wonderful she looked so pathetic and wretched before you, caught in _your_ web. This time she was the helpless one, the one fearful and you had control.

It was an intoxicating feeling.

You spoke despite the red liquid that tasted like copper in your tongue and trailed down by the side in a thin line.

_Drip, drip, drip…_

But physically, it hurt. It hurt so much, you wanted to cry and scream and keep on crying. This pain was unbearable. No matter how much you had endured and how cold you’d gotten, injuries still hurt and when you were cut, you still bled.

And yet, you were no longer the puppeteer of your own body.

“Wi—” You coughed. “ll- yo-u die fo- me?” Your mouth only half turned. Your energy was draining. How much longer would it take?

As much as you loved seeing her so vulnerable, you were growing impatient. Your vision had already started to blur and blacken.

Her head shook vigorously. She looked hilarious.

Your eyes started to grow heavy; you felt unable to push yourself any further despite your hardest struggles. Despite how you forced your alter to linger on just a little longer, the cut was too severe for anybody to ignore for too long. You snapped and finally let out the scream that your bloodlust masked, trying to protect you.

It was a fearsome scream and your body gave in. You collapsed on your pool of blood, for the latter few seconds sensing the woman draw closer to you as she was regaining her nerve. Your mind obscured and images you weren’t sure were from your memories began to dim and everything at one instant, snapped black.

 

 

A dream... or reality...

You weren’t so sure. Rancid smell of chemicals would creep through your nose every now and then and people wearing white coats, often surgical masks would come and inject back the saline that you had consumed. Sometimes they would inject you with a liquid that would soon make you drowsy and lose sense and other times an unfamiliar female would come and meddle below your chest; you couldn’t see what she was doing. Although you would feel an initial pang and burning sensation, it would soon pass too. Your consciousness was muddled. What you perceived would soon fade out of your memory beginning anew, with a bizarre question, _what am I doing here?_

You knew the answer for few only a few seconds and forgot it soon.

First days, familiar yet indecipherable faces peered through the glass staring at you with sad, helpless eyes. Later their forms would stand beside you, most of their gazes averted, cautious to not make contact with yours. You didn’t understand why they looked so sad. It pained you but the feeling would soon fade as more and more liquids passed into you through the pipes connected at uncomfortable places in your body.

One vibrant colour that did revisit your memory was a beautiful shade of red. The first few moments that your consciousness did allow your mind to process, you would everyday see a large man dressed conspicuously peculiar: a large academic gown that swept the floor as he walked, and a tiny mortarboard that sat atop his immense head, obviously adorned with a wig. Beside him, a boy who looked the most pained.

Karma hated you for you were in that position, unable to move, unable to talk and under strict medical observation. He hated you for you asked for help so lately. He hated that he couldn’t do anything while you were still so clearly not okay; he hated that he couldn’t see, he hated that no one could see. But most of all, he hated the fact that although he was a hateful delinquent, he couldn’t really hate you.

He couldn’t help but be transfixed by your presence more and more each day. He had reached a point where he felt obsessed with you, unhealthily so, for the both of you. You both knew it. And yet you ignored it like you had ignored before that Karma was _fascinated_ by you. He was indeed.

It was when you two confronted that he realised what you really meant by ‘twisted way of thinking.’

Winter had ended, and summer began with its early hot days and clear blue skies. Around two weeks past since you two coincidentally met and reconciled.

“I love how nature sounds.” You had ushered sitting beside the boy who cloaked his keen eyes that gazed at you.

Beside the lake that plunged into a waterfall, the both of you sat spending your recess. Your feet dangled in the water and so did his, splashing on each other’s.

“I don’t really care.” He said. “Never paid attention.”

“It calms me sometimes.” You said.

Both of you were aware of the pack of gossip diggers that spied on you from the bushes and their leader was none other than Koro-sensei with his detective goggles and a dubious notebook to take notes of the blooming romance between two of his youthful students.

Karma found it funny, and you showed no opinion. But none of you denied it.

“We have people on our tails.” The boy joked.

“I know.” You laxly replied.

“Wanna splash that octopus with water?”

“Nah.” You smiled. “Let him spy. He isn’t going to find something interesting.” If there was anyone in E-class who wouldn’t want to hurt that creature in anyway, it was you. You looked up to him, and idealised him as someone you could rely on. You clung to him as a guardian. Until _then._

“Ah, too bad for me then.”  Karma pestered. “I was hoping for something interesting.”

“Karma-kun.” You softly spoke. 

“Hmm?”

“Why do you like me?”  Before that moment, you had kept _your_ curiosity veiled.

For a second, his brows furrowed and nose-bridge wrinkled. After, a coy smile slightly curved his lips. “I don’t know.” He said. “You fascinate me. Maybe because you’re a little _too_ odd compared to everyone on class.”

Your face lifted up from seeing the water shine in golds. Looking up at Karma you said, “I think it’s because I’m troubled.”

He was confused. “What?”

A genuine smile accompanied your words. “Remember what I told you?”

“About?”

“Having a twis—”

“Oh, yeah.” Karma felt lost in your cryptic words.

“You fascinate me too. I never put thought to it for I never had the chance to. You think differently, unconventionally even. If something distastes you, you get rid of it and if something interests you, you act unkind and harsh

I try and shut off my emotions when either happens and do nothing. You act upon situations, unlike me. Although, they’re not always praiseworthy; I like this twisted personality of yours.”

Karma scratched the back of his head. You were painfully blatant. “So, um,” He muttered. “is this you confessing or something?”

“Hmm.” You nodded.

“Since when have you been observing me to come to that heavy conclusion?”

“Not long. Just since the day I stayed at your place.”

“Aha.” He faked understanding. “Honestly, I don’t really understand what you’re getting at, but if you’re saying the feeling’s mutual, we could maybe—”

“Date?” You finished his sentence.

“Yeah, that.”

“There are things you still don’t know about me, Karma-kun. Things I wouldn’t want to tell you, or anybody.”

“That makes you all the more interesting. I’d like to know you, figure you out without you having to tell me.” He stood up and dusted the back of his pants. “I’d like to give this a shot.” Karma’s hand extended, waiting for your response. Several seconds occupied your decision and you hesitated.

“Maybe.” You took the risk by grasping his hand. This could turn out to be something that would deepen your injuries, or something to aid your healing. You could only risk it and wish inside, _please don’t hurt me like everyone else does…_

Everyone spying you definitely had a show for them to enjoy. It was somewhat interesting after all. Koro-sensei definitely was entertained and so were the others.

And it was a memory that the boy, even if for half a second, reminded you of as he stood beside the larger man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, the scene with MC and the mother happens a month later, and with Karma is the past before the incident.


	10. x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Reader at hospital is present time, and incidents from this chapter onward will explain what happened to her, and how she ends up at the hospital, and everything at school and with Karma. I decided to not write in a successive timeline just because I wanted to try something different. :) 
> 
> Happy assassinating!

“(Y/N)-Chan!” That was your greeting for the morning. With a full-sleeved shirt, and knee high socks, you entered the warm classroom, and everyone present screamed in your address.

“What’s wrong?” You shook slightly. Your desk was crowded before you could even sit.

“Is it true?” Kurahashi asked.

“What is?”

“That you and Karma-kun are dating?” Kataoka aided.

“HE—eh?” Shocked, you shouted. “What? No! Who told you that?”

“Nakamura.” They pointed while the blonde stared at you innocently. “And Nagisa-kun too.”

“No. We aren’t dating.” You quieted down. Nakamura, the second later became the object of everyone’s glare.

“Then why did you tell us that?” Hayami argued.

“Well, uh,” Nakamura eyed you, and you mirrored the action. “you see, we were hanging out, and Karma-kun and Nagisa-kun came and—” She stopped. Such a confusing person, you thought. This girl could play pranks masterfully, and yet she couldn’t hide a few facts. “Come with me!” She grabbed you by the arm and yanked you out of class.

 

“What do you mean you aren’t dating?” She asked disappointed after the both of you were out.

“I mean that we aren’t dating.”

“That helps, thanks.” She snorted. “But I was sure you made up with Karma yesterday.”

“Nakamura-chan.” You sighed. “He said he wasn’t sorry. All we did was shake hands. How does anything of it end with us dating?”

She applauded. “Wow, great.” And frowned at you glumly. “Now you’re friends. Who would’ve thought you weren’t already friends.”

“We weren’t actually.”

“Come on! He kissed you!”

“Yeah thanks fo—”

“WHAT?!” The door slid open, the slamming noise startling you. “Who did what?” Every girl cried in unison. Oh, you had forgotten that the door wasn’t soundproof.

You clenched your fists, shutting your eyes close, and bit your lower lip. “Shit.” You cursed. You did tell them what happened. Not that you had another choice.

After the last word of your tale slipped your mouth, most of your peers stood at you with their mouths dropped.

“He has a crush on you.” Hayami said in an obvious tone. “Absolutely and undoubtedly.”

“Crush? Nah.” Kurahashi’s disagreement earned her attention, including yours. “Too late for crushing now. He’s love-struck.” She joked.

“Guys,” You said in an undertone. “can I stop being the subject of gossip now?”

“I think you should give her some space.” Nagisa tried to enter, but poor boy was shunned being the single guy in an all girls’ conversation.

 

“Nhmhm~” A sweet humming voice broke the heated discussion you were so embarrassed to be the subject of. Kayano came in with her gleeful smile.

“Hey guys.” She greeted cheerily.

Kayano probably was the most excited upon being told about your predicament. More than Nakamura even.

Throughout your school hours, you smiled; gossiped, showed academic improvements, did well during PE, and most importantly, got along with everyone. Apart from your teachers and Karma, no one yet knew what sort of abuse led to your actions, and they didn’t care. If they accepted you as you were at present, you could continue your façade forever.

So long so, this would become reality—it had already started to.

Beneath your false smile, you hid yourself, still trying to figure out your own mystery. The person blending with the crowd so casually; forgiving and accepting, it wasn’t you. Neither was it you who threatened the woman standing before you. Glass shards around both your feet scattered and in the middle lay a broken phone with its black screen.

From her ears you’d slapped the phone away; it breaking as it fell.

You glared at her. “What the fuck are you trying to do?” You growled. “The police aren’t coming. You know that right?”

“They came last night. You were a coward to not return.” The woman hissed.

“Or maybe my eyes needed purification after seeing your filthy face.”

“You—!” She raised her hand only for you to punch it away. “Ouch!” She shrieked in the process. “Who taught you such violence?” _Hypocrite_.

“Who knows?” You toyed. “Maybe you. Maybe your _dead_ lover _._ ” You grinned.

“He is _not_ my lover!”

You ignored her. “Do you want to die as well? You see, I can kill you right here and now. You know I can.” The muscles in your face contorted, turning your mouth into an ugly grin. “I spared you just yesterday.”

She didn’t make a response.

“Say mother, why are you really here?”

Yet no response. She was unnerved. Wanting to leave her room, she couldn’t fearing you might assault if she made a movement.

“Did the man you were fucking leave you?”

Nothing.

“They did, didn’t they? Or was it the parents of the child you were fucking. Did they find out about you and kick you out of their home? Which was it? Oh! I’m dying to know. Whose life did you scar this time with your existence?”

“Tell me you damned whore!”

“Tell me!” you screamed, now launching yourself at her and shook her violently grabbing her by the neck. You were choking her again.

“TELL ME THE FUCK.” Your frenzy worsened, your voice breaking and scratchy. “Who is it this time? Who is it... who? Who....? Who… _who…_ ”

You fell down. Tears burned your eyes as you broke down. You couldn’t. Not anymore.

These personas you had created, no, you couldn’t. They kept you sane so long. Kept you from shuddering and breaking at the sights of the naked man. Maintained an image of you—an image where you weren’t a terrified shell of your broken self. These alternating personas you built showed others the side of you they wanted to see, or deserved to see. They veiled you.

“Why mother?” You cried. Cried harder with the second. “Why? Why is it so repulsing to call you mother? Why? Why did hate me so much? Do I really mean nothing to you?” Your tear filled eyes, red and crunchy looked up at her face so unsympathetic. “Why did you kill my father?”

“Huh?” She wheezed. “What’s that?” She bent slightly, pulling your hair. “I killed that man? You’ve really gone mad haven’t you? An asylum is where you belong.” She dragged you by your hair and pushed you out of her room slamming the door behind you.

You sat against the wall, allowing an unending stream to flow. Tears you’d stored for when you were ready to shed them.

You were now.

The horrifying image before you didn’t rattle you any longer. The hallucinations still existed, only you were aware of the difference between them and reality now. They would fade soon, won’t they?

Like yourself.

Who was this girl sitting and crying—you or another persona you created. Within you, were you even there anymore? Had you completely faded?

“I don’t need you anymore.” You muttered to yourself.

The reply in your head was a laughter.

You still did.

You didn’t want to need them anymore.

You were being selfish, but you wanted yourself back. The real you.

“Why did you go dad?

Why did you leave me?

What was so bad that I couldn’t help you with?

You helped me with everything.

Why do I feel so awful right now?

_Please_ come back.”

You soon fell asleep against the hard wall.

Made up your mind—

You had.

You’d decided, if you wanted your life to change, you’d stop being barred behind different personas you created for protection, and really stand up. If it meant letting others see you, risking your secret with them and asking for help, you’d do it.

 

***

 

“Understood, now?”

You nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Koro-sensei flew to the other row, leaving you to answer your paper. This time you were going to ace it. And sure enough when your teacher returned it, you had scored the highest in class. History, was after all, a subject you enjoyed.

Your grades improved considerably very shortly. You were one of the top assassins in class. Friends, you had become with everyone. Karma had gotten, much, _much_ closer and you knew things about him only Koro-sensei could dig up if he wanted and Karma felt comfortable telling you whatever it was that bothered him. You confided in him too. At trivial issues you’d laugh together and everything just was _good._

Too good, for worse.

 

You sighed in front of the boy too engrossed in his phone. Earlier he called you over to hang out, and you came. Just to find him ignoring you for a game that he couldn’t pull himself out of.

“Karma-kun!” You cried. “Snap out of your game already.”

“Shh!” He warned. “One more level.”

And the one more level never ended. Weary of him after about twenty minutes, you snatched the phone off of him, earning yourself a growl.

“(Y-n)!!”

“You asked me to come over.” You plainly said while struggling against Karma to keep his phone away. Your arms over your head, you distanced the device from the boy and he looked for an opening to take it back. You didn’t give him one. “So what did you want to do?”

He stared at you unimpressed and eyes squinted. “Make out.”

Seconds past before his meaning embarrassed you. “Ha! Ha!” You faked. “Very funny.”

His tongue slowly slid out, teasing you. “It wasn’t a joke.”

“Sure.” You said.

“Give my phone back. I’m losing points.”

“Yeah whatever.” You returned his device in an expression of monotone, slightly annoyed. “Here, earn as much points as you want. I’ll leave.” As you shifted on the bed to leave, something hard made the spring of the bed jump.

“Why do you have to be so difficult?” Karma questioned, his phone that he threw a mere second prior, now lying diagonally at the edge, threatening to fall. You pushed it inside the safety marker.

“Really?” You refuted. “I’ve been here for half an hour now, and all you’ve been doing is playing the game.”

“Since when do you want attention?” He pestered.

You sighed once more. “Since never. I’m leaving.” Saying, you straightened your feet on the ground and stood.

“Did you lose weight?”

“Huh?” Confused, you turned to face him.  

“Your hips look smaller.”

“What?” Your brows furrowed accompanied by a swift shake of your head.

“I have your attention, now. Good.” He smirked and you glared later.

Your wristwatch in hand, in perfect timing, came to your sight, you unclasped it, grinned internally and threw it at him. It hit his forehead.

“Ouch!” Karma cried out. “That hurt, you idiot!”

“Good, ‘cause I intended so.” You stuck your tongue out and ran out of the room, soon with the redhead on your trail.

A marathon to the either of your deaths, one chasing, the other fleeing, you both ran around the entire house and during each round a furniture or show piece had to face the frenzy of your adrenaline. Where that much energy came from, you didn’t know considering you hadn’t had the pleasure to have breakfast _or_ lunch.

You sat away your time thinking things unnecessary, at the park. It had kind of become like your hideout now, for when you could no longer breathe the same air as the woman.

“I run faster!” You shouted.

“I’m stronger.” Karma argued.

“That’s useless if you can’t even catch me.” Jumping on top of the dining table, weightlessly you ran and the plastic cover crumpled under your feet. Certainly not the best place to play chase.

“Oh, I _will_ catch you.” He said with a dangerous degree of confidence in his voice accompanied by a lustful tone.

The staircase was before you and you ran up again passing two closed doors. Seeing no trail behind you, you heaved releasing the suppressed air in your lungs.

“Boo!” His voice made your weakened heart jump and an acidic fluid filled in your chest. “Caught you.”

Towards the closest door you sprinted, the weight of your body instantly resting on it pushed it open and you dug yourself in pushing against Karma’s resistance from outside.

“Give up, love.” You could practically hear him smirking on the other side of the door.

“Yeah, right.” You had grown rather tired. It was a matter of minutes that your arms gave in.

 

“Actually fuck it.” Your arms dropped and the door sunk towards you. Karma entered turning the lights on.

You realised then it was a bathroom. Great place you’d found.

You sighed long. “I’m hungry.” Your words escaped through broken breaths as your chest rose and fell. His eyes did wander over to them. “Can I have something to eat?”

“What do you want?”

“I haven’t eaten since last night, so I’d need something heavy.”

It was a slip of tongue. You hadn’t meant to say that out.

“ _What?”_ Karma’s tenor shifted instantly; shifted abruptly not unlike yours. “What do you mean you haven’t eaten since last night? Is everything okay?”

“Y-yeah. Fine. Everything’s good.” You lied through your teeth.

He didn’t believe you, of course. A step taken closer to you, and you backed an inch, “What’s wrong?” He asked, not caring to even hide his concern.

You shook your head.

“Why haven’t you eaten?” His gaze shook you to your core. Intimidated, you looked down immediately. “Tell me, (y/n).”

_Snap._

You rolled your eyes.

Your previous conduct shut off inside you switching to an alter for your mind felt it necessary to ‘protect’ you in this circumstance. “Forget it.” You whispered. Your feet dragged themselves riskily slow until you clashed against Karma’s lean body and buried your face on his shoulder, not quite hugging him though. He neither pushed you away, nor embraced you. Both of you merely stood under the dim light in a bathroom, against each other for the latter seconds.

Seeing nothing progressed, you rubbed your palm against his forearm, pausing at his elbow. He flinched, clearly having been affected by your action.

“Let’s feed you first.” He said without an emotion. None that you could decipher anyway. He wasn’t stupid. Of course he had the slightest of idea as to what was happening. Whatever the reason, in that moment you were not yourself. “After that you’re telling me what happened.”

And Karma fed you well. Possibly last night’s left over, yet they hadn’t gone stale. It was most definitely your nine hour long hunger, but you chowed down to the last rice left in the cooker and a teenage boy, who couldn’t make tea properly, his food tasted delicious in your mouth.

He eyed you while you devoured to the last crumbs. That’s all you noticed. Your violent side that was now possessing you, didn’t care what Karma thought so seriously staring at you.

Karma saw ‘ _you’_ for the first time. Now that he had told you how he thought of you, he felt it necessary for him to discover whatever else secrets you hid from him. As much as he disliked to put labels on you, you were his girlfriend now and he had already intended on knowing you much intimately.

It was natural, worry topped his curiosity.


	11. xi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO  
> First off, I am so so very sorry for the late update. My exam just finished today and I haven't had time to write for school and studies.  
> Now that I have a vacation I can hopefully write more often.   
> Thanks so much for waiting ;-; and reading!   
> I'll update the next chapter tomorrow.  
> Enjoy x

“So.” The boy paused. You returned his stare, eyes masked by an irrational rage.

“Pretty lips.” You mumbled to yourself, voice jittery. “Pretty eyes. Pretty hair. Why are you so pretty?”

Karma was confused, of course. Yet curiosity and worry got the better of him. “What’s happening with you?”

You very obviously ignored his question continuing on with your nonsensical remarks about his appearance. “We kissed, right? Naw, it was hot; your lips. And it swelled so fast.” You swiftly snaked your tongue out, licking your lips.

“You would sound very sensual, if I didn’t know you better. Drop this acting; this isn’t funny. If you’re angry about the game, I’m sorry. I really was trying to win.”

“What game?” You head tilted to your side.

“Come on, (y/n)!” He was two pitches away from bursting at you in a shout. “Stop this already.”

You frowned. “Can I tell you a secret?” Then you grinned, like nothing happened.

Karma gestured in a nod for you to proceed.

 

“This girl killed her father.”

 

A heavy silence bellowed at both your ears, ringing aloud and amplifying awaiting anyone to break it. But no one did. Karma’s impatience exceeded his limits and his feet zealously tapped below the table making a drumming noise, which you didn’t quite dislike.

The hopeless inquisitive look in his eyes satisfied a sick yearning in you.

It was _fun_ watching him wait for an explanation; almost like you were taking revenge for every tiny anxiety he provided for you, be it knowingly or not.

 

“Because that ol’ bastard stuck his thing in her, you hea—”

 

“What the hell is wrong with you, (Y/n)?’ He screamed. “Do you realise how ridiculous you sound right now? What’s with this third person talking? And that accent? What the fuck is going on!?” Karma’s voice and the sheen in his eyes spoke for his anger. The boy left his seat and strode to you and locked his arms around your neck from behind. The weight of his chin at the back of your skull caused a fuzzy reaction that weakened your vision.

“Please.” He begged. “Tell me.”

The acid in your throat burned your words despite your willingness to tell him everything. You struggled to get the words out right, but each time a voice that came out sounded so foreign, spoken in a tongue that was not yours, you knew at this moment all you could do was see your consciousness float somewhere inside you and your actions were untamed.

Your cheeks throbbed with the amount of internal conflict of wanting to stop your mouth from moving. Your body grew weary and cold suddenly and your head began to spin. Emotions raced inside your head and voices; as you mustered and inaudible phrase, _“I don’t wanna go home.”_

Feeling like a distant spectator you watched Karma walking you up. It was surprising really, to see your feet move despite the lack of strength you felt in each fiber of your body.

You leaned against him.

“I’ll write it to you.” You mumbled. Whether he heard you or not, you couldn’t say. You were too, way too, tired.

 

 

 

***

 

 

“You’re up buddy!” Maehara threw the ball at Karma catching which, he sprinted avoiding any attention paid to him and trudged against Terasaka causing him to flip a three-sixty-degrees. “You jerk!” He scowled and Karma grinned at the annoyed punk-boy.

“Serves you right.” He laughed. Karma threw the ball and it landed, actually sank, inside the water with a splash before resurfacing and you raced against Nakamura to grab it. Both of you jumped and grabbed the casually afloat ball at the same time.

“Well, Ritsu,” You said in unison. “Who got it first?”

Ritsu flashed a nervous smile, whispering a ‘he-he,’ “Zero second worth of difference.”

“Damn it.” The blonde swore giving you her infamous death glare and you coyly made a droopy face earning her maternal affection against her will.

“Give me that face again, I’ll glue it to Karma’s.” She sprinkled a black threat into air.

You stuck your tongue out.

 

Rewinding to twenty-four hours back:

 

~“Summer isn’t summer without the beach.”

~“Let’s go to the beach, sensei!”

And many a flutter arose. Everyone wanted to go to the beach. Okajima to feed his perverted obsessions, Nakamura to play pranks, Kayano to ‘play’ and Irina-sensei to show off her bust to her unrequited love and attempt to seduce Karasuma-sensei.

Amongst everyone’s splendid reasons, you had none too interesting, just that you wanted to spend time with everyone. Koro-sensei so enveloped with requests, he gave in to everyone’s wish and the E-class planned to take a one-day break to the, you name it, _the beach!_

 

Rewind to a few hours back:

You arrived at the campus with Karma and every eager gossiper eyed you both anticipating not one, but two of Koro-sensei’s plans to romantically involve his fellow students, and colleagues. It was absolutely a child friendly school trip.

Unlike everyone else, you didn’t wear proper swimming attire. A long, translucent summer dress covered parts of your skin you didn’t want to show and its loose sleeves withstood the breeze well. More than being in a middle school trip to the beach, you seemed to have gone to a summer get-away to a holiday town; courtesy of Karma Akabane.

That rich idiot took you for shopping right after classes ended.

One dare led to other and then another, and you were wrapped in all of the day’s activity. Koro-sensei laxly scanned though his porn magazine lying underneath the shade of one of the umbrellas and Irina-sensei attempted all the tricks up her sleeve, but of course Karasuma-sensei didn’t pay her attention. Or so he pretended at least.

Nakamura whipped up a completely new game with a rugby ball that no one had heard of before. Each person would run two metres with the ball and everyone else will try to snatch it away. The last one would throw the ball into the water and you would race against Nakamura to get the ball. Whoever got it first won. So it was basically against the both of you but she decided to involve everyone.

Because games like volleyball was too boring for her.

It was a fun idea, and no one had complaints.

 

Later, when everyone went back to the inn, you and Karma stayed behind to take a walk. It was evening. The wind was soothing mixed with the water’s tides.

“What do you wanna do tonight?” His grip on your palm twitched slightly.

“Talk.”

“That’s all?”

“I promised you I would.”

“You also said you’ll write it to me.”

“And I did.”

“A vague letter out of which I am still trying to make sense.”

You chuckled.

“Can you blame me?”

“Yes and no.” Sneakily, his hand swiveled around your waist pulling you closer. Karma buried his face in your hair and sniffed. “You also promised you’d show me why you didn’t want to buy a swimsuit.”

“I will. But, I’m nervous.”

“For?”

“I don’t know.” You ushered. Your breath hitched as a single kiss at your neck made you tingly everywhere else.

Your speech mashed. “Koro-sensei’s probably taking photos from somewhere now—”

“Let him.” His lips trailed further, nibbling onto your skin. An involuntary gasp left your lips and you could feel Karma’s lips curve on your skin.

“I see an empty place.” He pointed and you nodded.

You sat near a bridge that led to the inn, and underneath fair lights.

“Do explain whatever you tell me. Unlike your very informative note, please.”

You merely bit your lips. “I told you I was living alone. Until my _mother_ came back. We fought a few times. It turned violent and I threatened to kill her too. I don’t want to go back there. Most times I’m either wandering or at your house, I’m sorry.”

Karma placed an arm on your shoulder and you rested your head on his. “What happened with your mother?”

“Nothing. She hates me for existing.”

“(Y/n).” The boy whispered. “You wrote about your mother a little in your note. It doesn’t explain your behaviour that day.”

“It doesn’t?”

“No. You seemed like a totally different person all of a sudden. And the way you spoke later scared me, really. I’ve been trying to reason with myself saying it was probably due to sleep deprivation or the fact you hadn’t eaten. You were very tired. But it just doesn’t theorise.”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I have a vague remembrance, but no clear or precise memory.”

“Why don’t you talk to Koro-sensei?”

“Maybe I will.” You inhaled Karma’s scent for the hundredth time.

“Once we go back,” He paused to study your expression. Your nonchalant air warmed his face and he looked away. “stay with me until you talk to Koro-sensei and make a proper arrangement.”

You chuckled. “Can I just enjoy _now_ and forget I’m me?” It was more of a statement than a question. Karma understood your meaning. Saying nothing else, he buried himself in your hair, sniffing more.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...please excuse me if this chapter seems a bit forced. I'm writing this fic after like a month and it was very difficult maintain pace. Hopefully the writing flow will be okay in a chapter or two.


	12. xii.

 

Saying your mother was back home, saying you had become a street wanderer, saying you were losing track of time, losing a sense of consciousness often and found yourself unable to control your actions, drained all your piled courage. At the end of your ‘talk’ you were left with a weighing train of thoughts and an internal debate questioning if you should have listened to Karma and told Koro-sensei.

You leant against the window frame, your sight blurred into the luminous darkness of the seaside from which a subtle ray shone on you. Muffled noises of snores permeated throughout the room that housed the female fraction of your class. Each slept with one less worry off their minds and you were, much to your surprise, envious. Putting thought to yourself and your present dilemma, you still couldn’t pin-point any exact cause or reason. You mother seemed like the right person to load some blame with, yet to counter it, you thought of before she came: you had difficulty controlling your actions then too.

No matter how much you thought despite Koro-sensei’s _“Don’t worry yourself too much and try to make good memories,”_ you did exactly the opposite and fruitlessly.

 

_Beep._

 

A flash beamed through your clutched palm. Relaxing slightly you opened the text.

Karma: Meet me near the bridge.

You smiled.

**Why?**

He replied almost instantly.

Karma: I can’t sleep.

**Play a game or sth?**

Karma: Just get here a’right?

‘ **:P** ’

 

You jumped from the window sill landing on the ground. Laxly you walked over the grass, then sand barefoot reveling in the feel of bareness against prickly textures. You did that activity once only, with your dad. Maybe you were slightly nostalgic, or maybe just happy to be away.

Karma stood a two feet away tapping his feet to the music he was listening. You approached in a tip-toe, cautious although it wasn't necessary. They boy wouldn’t have heard you even if you booed at him through his earphones. Being inches away behind him, he failed to notice your presence. (Absolutely how he could only ever sense Nagisa’s presence.)

Your proximity warmed his skin around the ear but before he reacted, you kissed his cheek, jumping a feet back immediately and giggled. Grabbing your wrist, Karma pulled you back and flashed you a second long smirk and tugged at your lips in a kiss. You groaned, unable to force your smile off, that tingled your cheeks.

That night until dawn, your and Karma’s silly nocturnal adventure in the open air was rather a pleasant memory that kept coming back to you, be it for seconds as you lay underneath the awfully lit white room with tubes grinding against your skin.

 

 

Half a month had passed since the E-class went to the beach, and nothing good since then had happened.

To say nothing was not an exaggeration.

 

You adjusted the bandage at the side of your face. It just wouldn’t stay! But who could you blame when you had Irina-sensei patch you up at school, hours later your mother’s assault?

 

She was eating and you entered the house.  
A much unfortunate entrance; she was furious at your long absence from 'home' and launched at you with a fork in hand digging it at your forehead and scrapped across your face.

A howl escaped your mouth at the startling pain and you swore at her a: _what the fuck bitch?_

The maddened woman gnarled spitting her anger and frustration at you.

“Where have you been? Licking some bastard’s arse eh? Why won’t the fucking police come and get you, you murderer. You deserve to rot in that cell where no one can see your face—” Her splurge of insults paused for not a second before you were too tired and the cut at your face throbbed. The ache of it swelled your eyes with water and before long a thin line of tears trailed down mixing with your leaking blood.

Words were a waste of energy on this woman. Pulling the fork out you numbly threw it aside and walked past her. Her being there meant next to nothing anymore.

What good blurting this out a fortnight ago had done, you really didn’t know. The woman was still here at her best composure and abusing. Could you ask for legal help? Huh, rubbish. You yourself were a murderer.

 

Ignoring the fresh wound, you went to sleep with another consciousness then controlling you. Sleep washed over you fast, your head resting on the blood drenched pillow.

 

 

Koro-Sensei, at class, avoided to meet your gaze and you didn't do much to change that. Lethargy was bulging out of every place of your body and you couldn't wait to just get the day over with and go over to Karma's place and catch up to some sleep without disruptions. Speaking of Karma; you could feel the boy staring at you with pleading eyes—you often caught a glimpse of him through your peripheral. Everyone gave you pitying looks but of course, none could permanently help you with your situation considering Koro-sensei couldn't. You honestly wanted to believe his hands were tied here.

But you weren't sure, were you?

Karma gave you your space realising your apathy and reluctance towards what happened and didn't press you. You would tell him when you felt like it. 

 

Hence did the hours pass with you occasionally adjusting Irina-sensei’s poorly done bandage. Koro-sensei could have tended well. Why he didn’t, you didn’t want to think about.  
After class Karma walked you to his house and anchored your weak feet from tripping. You vaguely remembered him offering you to temporarily live with him…you might have taken him up on that.

Physically, you really couldn’t take any more cuts and kicks.

_…too tired._


	13. xiii.

 

_6 days back._

 

 

Not a single muscle twitched at the right side of your face. It was too stiff. _“It will heal, but it will take time,”_ were the exact words of the doctor as he scribbled notes and medications on the paper. _“It was an accident.”_ Karma lied upon your request. The doctor didn’t buy it, it was clear from the creases that formed between his brows as Karma stated a plain lie and you sat quietly praying to not have to be questioned. As for the boy, he hated that he was lying for _this._

You hadn’t gone back home after you mentally decided you’d stay with the boy ‘for a while’. Only no one knew for how long that time span would last.

_“Does it hurt?”_ He asked handing you the glass of water and three tablets each shaped and coloured differently. You had gotten stitches done the hour before and along with that were you both scolded for being too late. The cut was already infected. Irina-sensei did a terrible job at medication.

_“You wanna play something?”_ Karma pointed to his console and you faintly shook your head. _“Anything else then?”_ Your response was still the same.

_“You shouldn’t skip school tomorrow.”_ You muttered, your voice echoed and words half-dissolved inside your mouth.

Karma rolled his eyes. _Whatever._

He wasn’t listening.

He sat beside you close enough and buried his face on your shoulder. _“What do I do? There’s nothing I can do for you.”_

You wanted to assure him otherwise but merely parting your lips made the ache at your face push a screech out of you. You sighed.

The air around you was too glum. Too sad. Time passed like an entity racing against you only you were fading into dust while it ran in a pace slower than a mid-summer day.

 

*

 

_2 days back._

 

Karma hadn’t returned home. Although you were the one to force him out of the house and to school, you dearly felt his absence and wished you hadn’t sent him off. Even a house this big couldn’t keep you wandering and away from boredom. You were clinging onto Karma’s mere presence to not feel the weight of your own situation. Each day someone would come to visit—alone or with company. You received regular calls and texts asking about your health but out of all, none were from the teacher you begged would at least ask if you were okay.

Koro-sensei avoided you since the moment you stepped at school with the cut and he had continued to do so. Karma wouldn’t respond if you’d ask, your friends would revert their gazes or look down. No one would tell you _why_ after you’d battled yourself to speak about your mother they denied to do something.

 

You texted Karma growing impatient.

**When will you come back?**

He replied instantly.

Karma: On my way. You want coffee?

**Caramel Latte.**

Karma: Will get. <3

 

You were watching TV when he unlocked the door and entered. He had a tray holding two cups from where minimum steam evaporated. “Hey.” He greeted with a smile.

Karma kissed your other cheek and gave you your cup.

He remained silent without words. The voice of the actor on TV irked you then that Karma was paying so much attention to listening to his dialogues rather than striking up a—any—conversation with you. You turned it off. He didn’t question one thing.

“How was school?” You decided to start.

“Kinda boring.” He said. “You weren’t there.” That seemed to have reduced the irritation building up in you. “Maybe I’ll skip until you’re okay after all.”

“But—”

“Didn’t you miss me?”

“Y-yeah.”

“There. The most important reason to stay home.” He took a long sip. You stared at his Adam’s apple bulge as he gulped.

More silence followed as the vapour dissipated.

“Did something happen?” You asked.

He shook his head.

“Why are you so quiet?”

“My chest feels tight.” He said in a bored monotone contradicting his emotion.

You tensed slightly. “Why is that?”

“Beh—” He paused rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb. “Because look where we are.”

You gazed down at your lap fidgeting with the hot paper cup. Your lips twitched as you tried to force a pained smile.

“Do you ever regret _this?_ I mean kissing me, becoming friends and asking me out?”

“Why would you ask that?” He ushered in an emotion you couldn’t decipher.

“Curiosity, I guess?”

“I only regret being an arsehole to you. I regret sitting here and watching that bandage on your face and—”

“In a normal situation this is where I’d kiss you, you’d melt down, say something mushy and we’d take each others’ tops off, right?” A sigh left your lips instead of a laugh.

“Probably. But this is far from normal.” Karma laughed in your stead.

“Let’s do that _someday_. When things are more normal.”

He stared through your eyes without a response.

You really did have a gorgeous shade of “e/c” for eyes. So gorgeous, that the grief that overlaid them didn’t do them justice at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Now" starts next chapter huehue


	14. xiv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the mystery of the mother unveils muhahaha (not really)

**_Now:_ **

 

A woman in white came inside filling the room with more pungent smell of chemicals, and with her were more cannulas, and fresh tubes and a bag of blood. The plastic hung up on the rod beside your bed had drained and flattened. As she worked her way with the instruments you felt a pang, a tinge and the moment later it was gone.

How long had this been going on? You really couldn’t say. The last time you heard your own voice, you didn’t remember. One thing you did cling onto though, was the large man and the red-haired boy. Their appearances stuck to your mind and these days they were the only ones you could make shape of, unlike the nurse whose face and body seemed to be blended together, indistinct.

She left soon after murmuring something you didn’t understand. Her tone sounded pitiful. Not one with sympathy, but one that looked down upon you like you were a prey. You waited as the ticking of the wall clock treaded through you heightened hearing and you could almost make a count. _Tick (one), tock (two), tick (three)_ and so on…Your wait ended late, but not futile.

The big man walked in with a wide grin, if the shape you saw was right and beside him the boy you’d been wanting to see for so long. It felt long to you anyway. They stood beside your bed, the boy’s lips moved and noise came out. He was saying something but you didn’t understand. He put his palm on yours gently seeing the new cannula and brushed over it.

“….pain…”

That was one word you did make out of his sentence that seemed so long. His tone felt inquisitive, but of course, you weren’t sure. You opened your mouth involuntarily as if to response, but no sound came and as quickly as your lips parted, they pursed again. Your chest rose in an attempt to sigh.

“…don’t..t-” More sound you heard that he spoke. More sound you would soon forget.

His hand hovered over to your bandaged stomach, his fingers brushing over it. A common action of his.

“…why’d you…”

You wanted to reply, wanted to offer a response to his one-sided conversation. Every day, you did. The inability to do something your mind wanted but your body refused to aid, made you feel much, much sicker.

The boy spoke more and the sounds soon faded as he uttered new ones. Time past quicker and beyond your comprehension and the large man came back, taking him away. But before leaving, he did something new. Something he hadn’t before.

On your lips he softly placed a kiss and smiled at you. Then he left.

Now you just had to wait for tomorrow.

*

_Karma barged into the teacher’s room and to his convenience, Koro-sensei was alone. He wasted not a single second. “Do you even know how much I had to put hints here and there for (y/n) to gather courage and talk to you, huh?” He screamed. School hours were over and no one was at campus apart from Karma and the teacher. Karma was fuming, several creases forming between his brows and his jaws were clenched. “I could see how much it pained her to even bring up the topic and she feels helpless. I can’t do anything for her, but you can. Then why are you not doing anything?” He continued to shout without getting back a response. He didn’t care; Karma needed to get his anger out. And at that moment, Koro-sensei was the only person, or rather creature, he could blame. “How can you ignore her behaviour? If this goes on she’ll lose control over herself. Can’t you see that? Then why aren’t you helping her? You are our teacher aren’t you?”_

_It hit a nerve. Not that Koro-sensei had any._

_The man looked him, his lips lined flatly and what emotion he felt then, wasn’t showing. “Karma-kun,” he started weakly. “Please calm down.”_

_“How the hell can I come down?” He didn’t at all mind his language before a teacher. “She has been acting in ways that is beyond unlike her and it worries me…scares me. Do something Koro-sensei! I can’t calm down,” the boy’s eyes wide and stiffened._

_A slight gush and a languid noise filled the air for a second. Karma rearranged his demeanor seeing the man_ sigh _for the first time, seriously if not ever._

_“What it is?” He asked as realisation struck him that it might be much more complicated than a crazy abusive mother._

_Koro-sensei continued: “What (Y/n)-san has been through is unimaginable for most her age. It’s not just difficult, it’s awful. No one should go through that.”_

_Karma interrupted, “What are you trying to say?”_

_“(Y/n)-san feels the need to blame someone, anyone, for what she’s gone through but the cause of it is gone. She_ killed _him. And although Karasuma-sensei is protecting her, for now at least, that fact doesn’t change. She has taken on too much more than her mind can handle. So she broke.”_

_“I still don’t see where you’re getting at.” Karma’s former angry disposition turned to more attentive. He was trying to understand what Koro-sensei was saying, but despite his efforts, he couldn’t._

_“You see Karma-kun,” The teacher paused collecting the right words to break the truth to him. “We can’t help (Y/n)-san without hurting her even more.”_

_This time Karma listened despite his confusion._

_“There is no mother in this scenario.”_

_Before Karma’s mind could process this information his mouth dropped to a several degrees, his widening in shock of each of the syllables Koro-sensei uttered. Infinite, yet of minute value, questions buzzed within him; he wanted to ask so much, for so many explanation, to have this new knowledge be disregarded as a joke Koro-sensei whipped up to lighten up the mood, to have this entire conversation never exist but despite every conflicting emotion he felt then, Karma expressed none, with an, “Oh.”_

_And he walked away._

_Despite the weight of his thoughts, he pondered the facts he knew and he hated how they fell in place and made so much sense. He believed (Y/n) totally, but this new information, he couldn’t ignore._

“So an abusive mother is a delusion that helps her put all blame away from her, although she’s blameless. She just needs someone to blame. _Blame?_ How broken are you to do that? Couldn’t you just have blamed me?”

_He might had felt a drop trail against his cheek and fall to the ground as he walked back home. He wiped that single tear away._


	15. I AM ASHAMED TO EVEN APOLOGISE. BUT I'M SO SORRY!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY.

I am so very very very sorry to anyone who has been reading this story and anyone who has waited for an update. Oh man, it's been 2 years since my last update. To be perfectly honest with everything going on, and phone changes, I completely forgot I was writing fiction here. I APOLOGISE EXTREMELY.  
But on a brighter note, I won't stop writing this one. I will be done with my AS exams in a week and I'll pick this piece up again.  
I'm so sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth. I hope you continue to read and enjoy this story.  
Have a good day or night ahead! 

(I apologise once more!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I'm currently writing the next chapter. ^^


	16. xv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the update that I should have posted long long back. Next chapter will be up soon and have more events, I promise.  
> Meanwhile, enjoy reading. x

The classroom felt glum. It was the middle of summer and the heat was thick against the skin, making sweat drip despite anyone’s attempts at fanning themselves with their fat textbooks. History lessons were a bore. So were Maths. And any other subject that could ever be studied. Karma sat at the back seat. It had become his possession. On weekdays and on weekends, he would often come and sit there. Sometimes studying, sometimes gazing out into space. Class 3-E was not closed for him now. The boy grunted, which resulted in a chalk shooting off across the room, a tremendously strong bullet of compressed powder; it hit him straight in between his eyebrows.

Karma cried an ‘Ouch’ as Koro-sensei shouted, “Focus, Karma-kun!”

“I am,” he said picking up his pencil once more and started doodling on his copy. “Koro-sensei,” Karma called once a good minute had passed and with his Mach 20 speed, the teacher ran about the room explaining. “Bang!” He said and threw and anti-sensei knife at him, which, he obviously dodged and grinned in an expression undecipherable between amusement and annoyance. The failed attempt made Karma actually focus.

Previously Karma had been paired with Okuda for a chemistry project and no one in 3-E was as much a genius with dangerous chemicals as Okuda. He didn’t care much for the project. Much like how he didn’t care about classes anymore but focused his energy mostly on assaults upon Koro-sensei. Failed ones though, of course. He walked up to Nagisa, leaving Okuda to work alone. His excuse? ‘I need a run.’ And thus could Nagisa and Karma be seen for a mere second through the window before they ran and faded into the mountain road. When they did come back panting, heaving and without a victor, Koro-sensei stood at the main gate to greet them with a fuming black shade for skin. Two heavy tentacles landed on their heads as punishment. Nagisa sheepishly smiled and accepted the extra work. Kayano, his partner remained at campus to help, as did Okuda with Karma.

And you…well, you were at the hospital still. Such a deep injury would take weeks to heal.

Karma did help Okuda with the project because inside he did feel guilty for having the two females stay late with them, although they did not have to. But he had to leave before sundown. No, he must leave before sundown.

“Okuda-kun,” Karma said while pouring the ingredients in one of the beakers. “How much longer will this take?”

“Ah, hmm,” She stammered slightly. “Not much longer. The last two steps and then we can leave. But−”

“But?”

“We also have to write our individual reports. Which may take about an hour or so.”

“And hour?” He was clearly displeased with that time requirement. “Can’t we do this at home? We have to submit tomorrow anyway.”

“We could...” Okuda started nervously.

“Hmm?”

“Will you be able to finish it? You haven’t participated in the former stages of the experiment.”

‘Oh, yeah! No worries I’ll finish it. Look, Nagisa-kun and Kayano-chan are already leaving. We should hurry up with ours.”

Okuda nodded only slightly. With chemicals, she was a perfectionist. And ‘hurry’ wasn’t something she was willing to do while handling them. As Karma loomed beside her however, her shyness overcame her perfectionism. She wanted to concede, only slightly.

The two steps to Karma felt as though decades had past. The sun had gone down and Koro-sensei came in letting them know they could leave. Annoyance wasn’t the only thing then he felt when Koro-sensei added what he did. “Walk Okuda-san home, okay, Karma-kun?”

“I’m sorry I can’t,” He refused, but politely.  

“It’s past 5 now,” Koro-sensei said in a monotone. “Hospital visiting hours are already over.”

Karma’s tone shifted slightly. “Then why did you keep me at school knowing that?”

“I merely asked you to finish your work. It can be dangerous outside for Okuda-san to go home alone so late.”

Karma grit his teeth. “Fine, whatever.”

 

Okuda clenched the strap of her bag tightly as though to keep herself from quivering in embarrassment, or perhaps from muttering some incoherence out loud. Karma walked beside her, arms behind his neck, back slightly arched. The boy remained silent with no mischief in mind but a thought that perturbed him. Could you maybe have gotten up today? Maybe you could finally piece together sentences again.

Of Okuda’s presence he seemed to have somewhat forgotten as he walked with the destination of home. Karma hummed to (song of your choice), the same song he had once heard you sing that one ‘fateful’ day inside the locker room.

It was a Thursday. On Saturday the class had planned to pay you a visit together. It was no longer a secret what happened with you. Disguising the wound, you inflicted on yourself with a cover story would be futile. Anyone would see right through it.

Karma didn’t know what had happened while you did it, while you stabbed yourself with a boning knife, and did what is meant to be done with one. Carved out a chunk of flesh from around your abdomen. Why you did it, what was going through your mind, no one could tell. Only guess and conclude. And so they concluded from what you said on your last call made to Karma, “My mom is killing me.”

“Karma-kun,” Okuda stuttered as her voice picked up volume. She had been trying to call him from ten steps back, but Karma kept walking in a trance. She pointed to her right as he turned back. “It’s this way,” she said.

“Oh,” the redhead said and strode back.

“It’s not far from here. I can make it on my own if it’s a problem to you.”

“It’s not a problem, but if you say so,” he responded, but hesitantly. “Koro-sensei is probably spying on us from some tree branch anyway.”

Okuda was confused as to what Karma wanted to do.

“I don’t mind walking you home, but if you’re sure you’ll be fine on your own, I’ll go my way.”

“Oh, um,”

The boy snickered. “Let’s go then. You don’t seem sure.”

“Er, yeah, um,” Okuda’s had shot down below a 45 degrees in an attempt to hide her face painted in red embarrassment. The rest of the walk was silent once more.

 

Once home from the night’s errand, Karma sprinted to his room without a minute’s loss and plopped onto his bed, sleeping away another night waiting for your discharge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses of what's to come? Ha


	17. xvi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahoy!  
> If you're an old reader, thanks for reading.  
> If you're new, welcome.  
> Hopefully this is a satisfactory addition to the story.   
> Enjoy x

“Karma-kun!” Nagisa waved and shouted as he caught up to his friend on the other end of the street. It was by chance that they met before gathering with the others.

“Oh! Hey, Nagisa-kun,” Karma greeted back and stopped in his tracks waiting for Nagisa to reach him.

Something about Nagisa’s demeanour that day was viably positive, it was almost contagious. Karma, who didn’t have much of a mood that could be labeled, felt curious about his big, wide smile and loose gestures, which made it clear he was comfortable and perhaps happy about something too.

“What’s up? Something good happen?” Karma asked.

“Hmm,” he replied, his lips still upturned with eyes shining under the bright sun rays. “My mom is gone.”

 “Huh?”

“She’s gone to a relative’s place. Apparently they are very ill.”

One of his brows must have furrowed then because Nagisa coughed realising he sounded odd. Just a tad. Nothing was odd enough if you were fortunate enough to be a student of Koro-sensei, the un-killable teacher, who, probably was waiting at the station with the blankest face along with the others.

“I mean I have the house to myself for a week,” he clarified sheepishly. “If (y/n-chan) is discharged by then, we can have a slumber party.”

At that he laughed. Karma admired how Nagisa was like a splash of dazzle amidst the monotone; a person to see always the brighter side. However many times Nagisa may have had him on edge with his bloodlust and his specter like presence, he truly was a remarkable boy. And compared to him, Karma was muddled in his sadistic mischief full of a pessimistic inclination, and a much gentler worried side that thought you wouldn’t wake up from that hospital bed again. Your absence perplexed him and his feelings for you were thus mixed.

His heart would lurch and turn to dust each time he entered the room where you lay and yet his mind would not stop resenting something. _Something,_ he just could not tell what. Perhaps it was failure. Maybe Karma blamed himself to some extent, or maybe he just hated the fact you weren’t there planning the next assault on Koro-sensei with him. It is always easier to hate and blame than accept and move on. After all, that is exactly what you did, now didn’t you?

You and Karma weren’t much different there. And yet the difference in his eyes was huge.

 

They were hot. Extremely hot, when Karma and Nagisa reached the station where the rest of the group waited for them. Ritsu alone was safe from the insufferable heat existing and speaking from each of their phones. Nagisa, practically drenched through and through in sweat treated himself to a can of iced tea before apologising for making everyone wait. Koro-sensei fanned himself with a leaflet and Nakamura fumed as Karma nonchalantly waved at them.

“Karma-kun,” the side of her eye twitched. “Can you at least be on time for (y/n)-chan’s sake?”

“Come on, the train hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Actually, we missed ours. We are waiting for the next one,” said Sugino. Even the baseballer couldn’t escape the wrath of the heat that day, given he probably had more training in sweat than any other of the bunch.

“Okay, okay,” Karma gave in. “I’m sorry. I was looking for something at home. Took me a while to find it.”

“Oh~” Kayano sang, “What were you looking for? Is it something special?”

“Nah, nothing important. Everyone isn’t here yet, though.” He ignored and pointed.

“Isogai-kun couldn’t make time out of his work schedule today. And Karasuma-sensei had a meeting.” It was Koro-sensei speaking, finally. Karma couldn’t really hold it against him for too long for keeping him late on Thursday. He did after all, from afar kept an eye on your recovery and informed Karma if anything happened. Though he failed to show it through his actions, Karma was grateful.

“I see. Well, I appreciate all of you going to visit (y/n). I’m sure she would appreciate it too.” Lingering emotions, when it came to Karma, were difficult to adduce from his tone. That sentence was no different. Outwardly cold, spoken with thanks but with emotions so cryptic.

“Now, everyone, the next train should be here in five minutes. If anyone needs a drink, get one quickly.” Only Irina-sensei ran to grab her sixth can of orange juice. The Japanese summer sure got to her.

 

With each step inside the hospital, Karma heard less and less the voices surrounding him, his own footsteps growing louder until they finally stopped and he was before the ward you were admitted in. Koro-sensei knew he wanted to go in first; he respected the wish. The boy inhaled deeply, mustering courage to confront what would yet again be you, lying without sense, breathing without a bolstering speck of life. As it always did, his heart throbbed inside his chest; a mixture of anxiety and hope. He nibbled on the end of his thumb-nail and shut his eyes, breathing out finally. Karma pushed wide the door and went inside.

It was empty.

Not something he expected to see, but the bed where you should have been had only a mess of tubes on it and a haphazardly kept blanket. The air conditioner was on yet there was no one in the room. Karma’s eyes widened before any mental reaction. “(y/n),” he gasped, unsure of what to think.

He shouted for the others and they rushed in witnessing the same, blank room with a bed which had recently been left.

“I’ll go call a nurse!” Kanzaki left as quickly as she came in knowing Karma would throw a child’s fit if you weren’t before him and soon.

“Karma-kun, I’m sure she’s been taken to have some tests run, don’t worry.” Nagisa reasoned with the now unresolved boy.

“But, they said nothing of that sort at the reception. They always ask me to wait if she’s gone for tests.” He said, somewhat shaky, somewhat angry.

A tentacle landed on his head. “Keep calm, Karma-kun. You’ll see her soon.” Koro-sensei said coolly, and he was right. Before Kanzaki could come back with the nurse, the door behind opened with a sliding noise and you stood there, on your feet. With a few tubes around your wrists still and in hospital pyjamas, but you entered on your own. Just as you had gone on your own too.

“Oh,” you ushered softly. “Hello, guys. And Koro-sensei,” you nodded at him tenderly. “I’m glad that you came.”

Words left your mouth in a flat melody. No one could return the greeting though; Karma launched himself onto you the instant your sentence ended with a sorry smile and you coughed in an attempt to laugh.  

His arms swallowed you as he pulled your body into his in a hug. You felt him sigh exhaustedly, being able to ensure you were okay. Or some form of it anyway. “Where were you?” He asked before anyone else could.

“Just outside,” you replied.

Koro-sensei came forward in his usual dubious disguise and pat your head. “I see you can walk now,” he said and you nodded.

“Only barely. It’s difficult to stay standing for long,” you gestured towards the bed. “Do you mind?”

“No of course not,” your teacher reassured and the others made space for you to get back in the bed. Karma walked you to it.

“It’s been,” you paused to think. “A while.” Without any proper sense of the time that had passed, you said.

“So it has,” and Nakamura handed you a paper bag. “Snacks.” She said. “Hospital food can’t taste very good.”

“And some lemonade,” Kayano handed you the bottle. “I made it myself. I hope it doesn’t taste too bad.” She had such a sweet smile on her face, you couldn’t help but wonder how worried you had made them. You were truly sorry, and yet, it was difficult to remember in a clear series of events how you ended up where you were. It had only been four days since you could manage to speak again and even less since your feet allowed you to walk.

 

It felt like much less, but an hour past and they left and by the time they did, you had three full bags of snacks and a day’s meal carefully packed. You didn’t know if you had enough appetite to eat everything that was given to you, but you were grateful.

Karma stayed.

He lounged on the uncomfortable sofa across the room and eyed you in a manner that made to you unable to say what was on his mind. “Are you sure you want to spend your weekend in the hospital?” You asked.

“Uhuh.” The boy was still eyeing you.

“Then, you can at least feed yourself something.” You held up one packet of biscuits that you knew you wouldn’t be able to eat beyond the first few bites.

“I’m not hungry.” He said and there was silence for moments.

“It’s surreal.”

“What is?” You asked.

“You.” Karma replied plainly, yet a smirk formed on his lips; his unwavering stare fixed upon you. You let him explain.

“You talking. All these times I’ve visited you, I was hopeless if you would speak like yourself again. And today, when I least expected, you are talking _and_ walking as if you’re fine.”

“What do you mean?” You bit your lower lip and returned his fixated gaze.

“Aren’t you fazed by the fact that you could barely utter my name a week ago? Because I am.”

“Fazed, huh.” You mumbled. “Not sure I’d put it that way, but to me it seems as if I only came here yesterday.” Perplexing as it sounded, it was true.

Karma leapt off the sofa and scurried off to the bed, hopping in beside you in a moment’s notice. “Does it really?” He sounded angry. Irritable. Furious even. “Because it has been more than a month that you’ve been here, senseless and it feels much, much longer to me.” The proximity between you was dangerous. He leaned closer, wrestling very obviously against his nerves to keep himself from grabbing your arms just to feel you alive. “I even thought you wouldn’t remember me. I was hopeless and I wasn’t sure what I could have done for anything to be different. I’ve asked myself so many times how I could have helped you. _If_ I could have helped you, and I only came to one conclusion. I didn’t even know your problem until you called me that day…” his voice trailed off, his honey eyes ravaged in a pool of veiny reds. You were unsure if it was anger or sadness that made his eyes swell.

“Karma,” you began, but didn’t have anything to say.

“How are you so calm?” He asked.

“How else should I be?” You replied.

“Angry. Spiteful? I don’t know. Not calm like you are.” He had started to yell.

You pursed your lips in a failed attempt to display a smile. “Karma,” this time you only needed enough energy to speak. “You said I called you.” Your voice was cold and your emotions were muddled with oblivion. “Why did I call you? What did I say?”

He stared into your eyes. Surely he expected this. He must have. “You don’t remember.” He plainly said and you shook your head.

“Not any more than I remember how to fly.”

Karma chuckled, in a tone still sad. Against his will, but he did. “You don’t have to remember right now,” he sighed and you could tell his demeanour had softened. “I’m just glad you’re conscious now.”

He drew a biscuit from the packet in your hand and put it his mouth whole, and his cheeks puffed as he chewed. It made you snicker this time and no later than he stopped entertaining you with the biscuit, the boy’s hands slithered to your stomach having already unbuttoned the lowest button of your shirt.

“What are you doing?” You asked, being caught off guard.

“I want to see the wound,” he replied.

“It’s bandaged.”

“I want to see the bandages.”

You sighed and let him unbutton your shirt to below your chest. With Karma you couldn’t have gone far with words anyway. He brushed over the neatly done bandages, soaked at places with antiseptic. Traces of the former dressing could be seen at the edges, on your skin and his touch made the hairs on your back rise. You groaned. “Does it hurt?” He asked softly and you shook your head. “When do you think you can leave?”

“I don’t know. Soon, perhaps.” You said in a whisper, defenseless under his hand.

“It better be.” Karma sounded so very stern; you almost _liked_ it. “I miss you.”

The moment was broken by a lady in white coming in without permission and chattering on about how visiting hours were over and Karma ought to leave. He did leave. But with all the food you got because the nurse was adamant outside food was not allowed in her shrilly voice that certainly drove Karma mad.

And before he left he slid a slim, cold and sleek feeling item in your hands mouthing a ‘shh’ followed by a wink.

He was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and if anyone wants to leave some feedback, feel free to do so.


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